O'hara's Choice - Leon Uris [140]
“Let the damned thing run down. I’m sick of hearing it,” he snapped. After a moment: “Somehow I was startled when you weren’t here. The cold at the pier went right through me, today. Sorry. Since when have you napped in the loft?”
“I like it up there. I feel safe, like a rail bird. No one can see me.”
“Sorry,” he repeated. “Sorry about my rotten mood.”
“This is going to be painful enough without us turning on each other. We’re going to have to get through these next days together,” she said.
He kissed her well, not desperately, but soothingly and comfortingly. “I must tell you something that I should have told you our first day in Nebo, but I was leery of saying anything that could upset that moment,” he said.
“Then?”
“I’m not much of a Catholic but I believe in God and God had something to do with us coming together here in Nebo.”
“Very much.”
“From the first time we made love, I knew that if you conceived, I would take it as a message from God and resign from the Corps without a backward glance and spend my life loving you and caring for our family.”
“I’ve always known that, Zach. But if we haven’t conceived, is it likewise a message from God?”
He was silenced.
“I’ve been fawned over all my life and that doubles as a curse,” she said. “If you’re fawned over, you also become the target of many hateful stings of envy. I built a space between myself and everyone else in order to protect myself and I played it very haughty. Willow was the only person to ever become a soul mate. All of the rest were under my control and some were afraid of me.
“And along came Zachary O’Hara, who was not going to serve the princess nor do her bidding. Therefore, I had to subjugate you. When you so rightly saw through my scheme and refused to escort me to the Constitution Ball, my rage at your rejection could have burned down a forest. I have inherited from my father the nature of imposing authority and could stand anyone down, including my father.”
She took the crystal top from the carafe and poured them wine.
“I wanted to hate you and hurt you last summer in Newport. However, when I hissed out my letter of dismissal to you, it brought me no solace. From the moment you took to Lilly, I knew no sleep without torment and I was determined to hate you more, until that day at the casino.
“You closed the curtain of our booth and gripped my arm. Well, Zachary, I received my message from God and it was orgasmic. I told God that I would settle for this month in Nebo and I also told Major Ben I would do nothing to make you leave the Marine Corps. I thought I could trick God and become pregnant so it would be your honorable decision to resign from the Corps and not mine. But God didn’t buy it. I’m not pregnant.”
Amanda took up the letter from Horace.
“This came early. It is from my father.” She broke the seal and read in a shivery voice.
My Beloved Daughter, Amanda,
Life shall remain unbearable for me until you grant me peace through your forgiveness.
I have wronged you and I have wronged Zachary O’Hara in a nefarious manner.
I will accept whatever decision the two of you make with no further high dudgeon on my part.
I have come to learn that Zachary is an outstanding young man with a brilliant career ahead.
If you wish to marry, I will not withhold my approval. If you feel it wise to wait, I shall wait with you.
When Zachary deems that his military service is completed, I shall welcome him as my son-in-law with an eye to him becoming in the future the director of Dutchman’s Hook.
Arrogance yet exists in us strongly from the time of slavery. The class system continues to linger, but I shall work ceaselessly for Zachary’s acceptance and recognition. I do this with the same passion that you have for your work in women’s education.
Yes, I have laid myself bare, so let us not dillydally. I respect the fact that he is a Roman Catholic and I certainly shall honor his decision not to convert. But please find