O'hara's Choice - Leon Uris [151]
“I was allowed to join the Corps underage so my da could live to see me sworn in.”
“I gravely misunderstood,” the Gunny said. “Paddy was near gone when he told me and I should have come to you a long time ago, but you were already an elegant Marine while he was still alive. When we were on post together in Florida, I never saw a young lad cut his corners so square, so sparkling, so smart and on top of things as you. Even as a private, I knew you were heading for the top, so I let it ride, never realizing your terrible burden for eight years.”
Zach was calm, his face whipped by the winter winds of Nebo, his eyes bright.
“The lie wasn’t buried in old Henry’s coffin and didn’t have to wait till Halloween to come out of the graveyard,” Zach said. “I had the obnoxious grace to attend Henry’s funeral. And I believed the only way to get it out of my system was to become a Marine’s Marine. But it doesn’t go away. The more perfect I tried to become, the more I realized I was feeding the lie. I felt I existed mainly to keep the lie fed.”
“Paddy loved you. You’ve got to know that. I was at his side when you were born.”
“Da loved me when I was born and I loved him the moment he died. It was all the time in between that was the problem. I loved the Corps and that’s all I’ve wanted from life. When I lived in Hell’s Kitchen, I longed for the Corps. But then the lie dragged my soul down so badly I was never at ease inside the Corps. I had two masters and one of them was killing me and not letting me serve how I wanted to serve.”
Tobias got enough of a grip on himself to awkwardly extend his hand.
Zach shook it.
“We all go off with some secret or lie never properly attended to,” Tobias said. “But this is not your burden to carry alone, anymore. It’s a matter I share with Amanda and you and the Gunny. It’s my responsibility as well, and you have to know you did the only thing you could do. Paddy and the Corps owe you.”
If Ben Boone knew of tears, he would have spent them now.
“I didn’t believe my own words when I chewed you out,” Ben said.
“I know.”
“I always had the fear of you leaving the Corps, and when you told us, it broke my heart.”
“We’re fine, Ben,” Zach said.
“Your old man laid it on you and so did I. I saw the way you handled the project and I made you feel you had to be our savior, the indispensable man, and I wrung ‘Random Sixteen’ out of your guts. You are more than free to resign, but don’t get tangled up with any guilt. There are many good men who can take the mission and get it done. Lieutenants Kirkendahl and Maynard from your AMP class. Captain Coleman and Captain Ward are real works in progress.”
“Go off with your lady love. You need to be free,” Tobias said.
“Aye,” the Gunny agreed.
“Why the hell didn’t Paddy ask your forgiveness?” Ben asked.
“Of course he did. Or at least that’s what he wanted to do. Maybe that’s why he followed me to Nebo. Paddy wasn’t much for passing out affection and my aunt Brigid was much the same.
“I was never close to a family. The Barjacs were astonishing, but I wasn’t or couldn’t be part of them. Every evening in Nebo, I’d quit my little job at the boatyard, wash up at the pump, and cross the duckboard bridge to Veda’s.
“And she was there waiting, standing in the door, and wouldn’t let me in without paying her a hundred kisses. That’s what people do, kiss each other at the door.
“And morning came without the sound of reveille. And I’d listen to the first birds of the morning chatting it up. I could go through an entire day, taking orders from no one. I never felt a weight of orders and discipline because the Corps was my life, but then I found there is another life. How wonderful to hold Amanda through the night. What a wonderful way to live.
“One day, near the end of my furlough, she wasn’t waiting at the door. She was up asleep in the loft, and when I didn’t see her, I panicked. She knew and she demanded that my da and I have it out, there and then.”
“So you’re going to build the navy a few ships, are you?” Tobias said.
“No, and as far from it as we can get,