On Fire's Wings - Christie Golden [92]
“We must,” he repeated firmly. “They have a massive army, one that swells with each clan they defeat. Together, we might be able to stand against them. Alone, we will be easy prey, and the clans will be trampled one by one beneath the cloven hooves of the Emperor’s ki-lyn.”
Melaan sighed heavily. “I will speak to Terku,” he said, “and I will do what I can.”
He held out his hand, and Jashemi grasped it. Despite the direness of the situation, he was filled with elation.
He was no longer alone.
Kevla’s misery changed, but did not disappear. It went from an almost unbearable, stabbing agony to a dull, aching throb in her chest. Jashemi’s absence left a gaping hole that nothing could fill, certainly not her mundane and thankless duties in the kitchen.
She still dreamed of the Dragon every night, but there were other dreams: dreams of playing with Jashemi when they were children, dreams of touching him before he left for his first battle, dreams of looking into his deep brown eyes and knowing that she was truly seen.
How did anyone live when a loved one was gone? she wondered. How did her own body continue to function, when all that gave it light and life was so terribly far away?
She refused to think of him lying with another woman. While in her heart she knew she yearned for his physical embrace as much as his presence and voice, that was a longing she had never dared utter. She was Bai-sha, he was a khashim’s son, and he would never be able to take her as wife. She had known of this reality since childhood.
But she was fiercely jealous that this unknown Shali, daughter of a khashim, had Jashemi’s presence. She could talk to him as she wished, without hiding and deception, without fear of repercussions. She could wrap her arms around him, fall into the warm, strong comfort of him. This, Kevla had known, had tasted, and as with honey on the tongue, she wanted more.
The single thing that kept her sane was knowing that now, she was the only person who could protect Tahmu. She and Jashemi knew of Yeshi’s betrayal and Halid’s treason, and Jashemi was many leagues away. He could do nothing. Kevla knew that there was very little even she could do, but at least she was here, at the House. When Tahmu rode to a raid, she begged the Great Dragon every day to send him home safely. She knew, as the other household members could not, that Tahmu was a target not just for rival clans, but for his own Second. It would be easy for Halid to slip into Tahmu’s tent at night, a sharp knife between his teeth….
Pain blossomed in her hand and she bit back a cry. She had become so lost in her thoughts that she had not paid attention while she was chopping vegetables, and had nicked her finger. She stuck it in her mouth and sucked on it, her eyes darting about to make sure no one had noticed her slip, but the kitchen was busy and noisy.
He came home safely, Kevla, she chastised herself as she rinsed her bloody hand until it stopped bleeding. You should be thanking the Dragon, not imagining frightening scenes.
Indeed, that was the reason the kitchen was bustling so. Tahmu had returned, without losing a single man, in the raid against the Sandcattle Clan. Such an event warranted a special feast, and the household was eager to give him one.
Kevla returned to her task and was chopping vegetables with renewed concentration when the kitchen suddenly fell silent. Along with everyone else, she looked up, and her eyes went wide with shock.
Standing in the entrance to the kitchens, her clothing and person both spotless and elegant, was Yeshi. She smiled at Sahlik. The elderly servant hastened to her mistress and bowed.
“Great lady,” said Sahlik, “what do you desire? Some paraah, perhaps?”
All the other servants had stopped what they were doing, but did not dare look directly at the khashima. Kevla, too, bowed her head, but watched Yeshi out of the corner of her eye. She knew her mistress well enough to know that Yeshi rarely visited the kitchens, and in fact had not done so in several years. That was what she had servants for.