On Writing Romance_ How to Craft a Novel That Sells - Leigh Michaels [101]
Women ask questions to encourage interaction; men usually ask questions to get specific information. Men make more statements; women ask more questions.
Men say "I'm sorry" as an apology for a wrong they've done; women say "I'm sorry" to indicate regret or sympathy or concern over a situation, whether or not they played any part in causing it. Men rarely say "I don't know," and they seldom phrase ideas as questions, as in "Have you thought of ...?"
Men tend to make decisions, while women try to create consensus. Men tend to make demands, but women tend to express preferences, and women are more likely to volunteer their reasons for those preferences.
Men use shorter and fewer sentences; women use longer, more complex sentences and string more of them together. Men say something is blue; women say it's robin's-egg blue, or navy, or teal.
Men talk about actions or things; women talk about feelings. Men make declarations; women, even when they make a statement, tend to follow it up with a question. "Pizza is the best food on earth, don't you think?" is a feminine sentence.
Women tend to phrase a preference or request as a question and then become annoyed at a negative response. When she says "Would you like to go out for dinner?" she really means she has no intention of cooking tonight. If her husband then answers the question he thought she was asking and says no, he's going to be in the doghouse—and completely confused about how he got there.
Women tend to use euphemisms; men seldom do. A woman might say "I'm not at all pleased." A man is more likely to say "I'm mad as hell." Women are likely to express sympathy directly, men to joke or use playful put downs.
In this example from her single title The Marriage Lesson, Victoria Alexander shows her hero getting sympathy and advice from his friends:
"I am in love with her." His voice held a touch of awe.
"It's about time you realized it." Rand grinned.
"And more to the point," Pennington said, "she's in love with you."
"I'm in love with her," Thomas murmured. "And she's in love with me." The truth struck him like a slap across the face. "Bloody hell." He bolted upright and clapped his hand to his forehead. "That's what she wanted to hear, wasn't it? When she kept asking why I wanted to marry her? She wanted me to tell her I loved her."
"I believe you said fate, at that moment," Rand said wryly.
Pennington chuckled. "Lord Witless does seem more and more appropriate."
Thomas groaned. "I have made a mess of it all."
"It's probably not too late to fix things." Pennington sipped his drink. "She might well be amenable to listening to your abject apologies—"
"And declaration of love," Rand said.
"And don't forget groveling," Berkley threw in. "Women love groveling."
"In the morning," Pennington continued. "After she's had a chance to sleep on it. Life always looks better at the start of a new day."
If the situation were reversed, the heroine's friends might well make the same suggestions, but they'd do so in a much warmer and more empathetic manner.
Gender-Specific Dialogue
It's difficult for a writer to create completely convincing dialogue for a character of the opposite gender. But you can make your dialogue more realistic by checking your dialogue against a list of the ways in which most writers go wrong.
If You're a Woman
Here's how to make your hero's dialogue more true to gender if you're a female writer:
• Check for questions. Men tend to request specific information, rather than ask rhetorical questions. If your hero's questions can't be answered with a brief response, can you rephrase them? Instead of asking questions at all, can he make statements?
• Check for explanations. Men tend to resist explaining; they generally don't volunteer justification for what they do. If you need him to explain, can you give a reason why he must?
• Check for feelings. Men tend to share feelings only if stressed or forced; they're more likely to show anger than any other emotion. They generally don't volunteer feelings. If you need your hero to