Once Dead, Twice Shy - Kim Harrison [59]
He didn’t care about Josh. Not really. Warning was thick in me, and I pulled out from under his grip. And why was he blaming Barnabas? Barnabas said it was my amulet that prevented me from thought-touching, not my lack of skill or lack of trying—and Ron should have known that. He was hiding something. “Grace said I cracked it,” I said warily, but I wouldn’t pull it from behind my shirt to show him. Behind Ron, Barnabas stood stiff and tense. I saw a hint of the avenging angel in him as his eyes silvered. “I’m going home,” he said to Ron, pain showing in his brow. “They’ll let me in. They have to. I have to tell them about the black wings. They can get them out of her.”
Home? I thought. As in heaven? Why wouldn’t they let him in? He wasn’t just earthbound, but barred from heaven? Just who were the bad guys here?
Fear slid through me like a knife, born of the sudden realization that everything I thought was true probably wasn’t.
“Barnabas, shut up,” Ron said as he rose between us, smaller than Barnabas but deathly serious. “I’ll send word, and Nakita will be fine. They won’t let you back, and I’ve got work to do. Stay with Madison. Try to keep her out of trouble. And keep your mouth shut!” His eyes were almost black, carrying a mix of anger, frustration, and…uncertainty.
“You understand me? I can’t fix this if you interfere. Keep your mouth…shut.”
The image of Nakita arched in pain, white wings stretched high as she screamed, lifted through my memory. I had hurt one of heaven’s angels. Who was Barnabas? Who had I been spending my nights with on my roof?
Scared, I watched Ron stride from the building, vanishing as he found the sun. I turned to Barnabas, shrinking back when he made a sound of anger and flopped into the chair next to me, his brow furrowed and his expression cross. He didn’t move. Not one fidget or blink.
“She was trying to kill me,” I said. “She was trying to kill Josh! She was going to—”
“Take you to Kairos. You said that,” he said abruptly. There was a hint of fear in him. It wasn’t fear of me, but fear for himself. He wasn’t going to shut up as Ron had told him, and I shivered.
“So many religions, Madison,” he said, “but only one resting place, and she was going to put you right back on that path that you skipped off when you claimed Kairos’s amulet.”
“Nakita’s not from hell,” I guessed, knowing my face was white. “You are.”
Barnabas jerked straight. “Me? No,” he said, coloring as if embarrassed. “Not hell. I don’t even know if there is such a place other than what we make for ourselves. But I’m not from heaven…anymore. I left because I disagreed with seraph fate. They won’t let me back. They won’t let any of us light reapers back.” Jaw tight, he exhaled, putting a hand to his head and rubbing his temples. “I should have told you, but it’s embarrassing.”
“But you’re a light reaper!” I said, confused. “Light is good; dark is bad.”
He scowled at me. “Light is for human choice, easily seen. Dark is for hidden seraph fate, no choice to glean.”
“Oh! That would have been nice to know!” I shouted. “How come no one bothered to tell me that?!” I added, frustrated, scared, and a little relieved that Barnabas wasn’t from hell, just kicked out of heaven. There was a difference, right?
The receptionist peeked out from a doorway, disappearing when she decided I was upset about Josh, not a little misunderstanding about light and dark. Barnabas’s thoughts were clearly somewhere else. “I don’t understand what Ron is doing,” he said to himself, gaze distant, and unaware that I was having a meltdown. “I believe in choice, but after what’s happened, I don’t know. You’re a nice person, Madison, and I like you, but you put black wings in Nakita. That’s…a terrible thing. Maybe the seraphs are right. Maybe you need to go where you belong. Maybe fate has a place in the world. Fighting it has only made things worse.”
Where I belong? Does he mean like home with my dad, or like dead? I swallowed hard. I was not the one who’d been kicked out of heaven. “It was an accident.”
“Was