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By Root 1611 0

The car forked before it got to the house, went slowly down the back drive, probably to the kennels, I realized, where Seffy had no doubt spotted Biba and Dad. Gone to see if there was any news. No, no news. A bad sign, I thought. Surely if it was good, Hugh would ring? I looked at the phone on the dresser. I can’t, its shape seemed to say. And I thought how often I’d stared at phones over the years, willing them to ring. Ring. Ring! I’d breathed at one, my face close. It had been a different shape from this neat, compact little handset on the dresser: bulkier, squarer, the receiver attached with a coiled cord.

I opened the window for some air. Could hear the others with the dogs, Hal and Dad raising Biba and Seffy’s spirits: giving them a job to cling to. They’d probably be hosing down the kennels too, now. And I remembered how good Hal was at that, at taking one’s mind off things: remembered coming out of my finals, my face white with shock.

‘Not one question. Not one bloody question! I was promised King Lear. It was all Macbeth and Hamlet !’

‘So what?’ he’d shrugged. ‘It’s only a fraction of the marks.’

I’d extracted a Number Six from a crushed packet with trembling fingers, leaned against the wall and sucked hard as hordes of students flowed past discussing the paper.

‘It’s a quarter. The tragedies are a quarter!’

‘A fraction, like I say. Not a complete tragedy.’

‘Not funny, Hal. I was so bloody stumped I ushered in Goneril and Reagan anyway, said Shakespeare had had enough of neurotic females after Ophelia, wanted a bit of bite.’

‘Which will impress the examiners no end. Shame you didn’t usher in the Brides of Dracula too: they had bite. Come on, I thought we’d go to the zoo.’

‘The zoo?’ I’d blown out a line of smoke in astonishment. ‘No, no I need a hostelry, Hal, need to do some sorrow-drowning. It’ll take at least a bottle.’

He’d insisted, though, and we’d spent a very crazy day at Edinburgh Zoo, making the animals feel at home, which Hal said was important. Said it was rude to stare, as everyone else did – how would we like people to walk past our houses staring in? Said we had to be supportive, inclusive. So we’d lumbered past the elephants swinging our arms from our noses, chattered and screeched at the monkeys, waddled like penguins past their pool. I smiled, in spite of myself now, remembering the aquarium. Hal in his huge coat, being a swooping sea turtle, the odd looks: giggling like children, which we weren’t much more than, of course, King Lear forgotten. And how Hal had laughed when I’d been the koala bear, opening my eyes wide, crouched up on a bench, clutching my handbag to my tummy as my baby. A wonderful laugh, his head thrown back to the heavens, brown eyes glittering: lovely. My heart gave an exultant little kick, a little – see? kick, and I could feel the thing in my head, my abscess, shrink down, back to the little pea-sized lump. Better: much better.

My hands had already unclenched from the rim of the sink when he came in through the back door, glancing quickly at me to check I was OK.

I smiled. Gave a little nod. And we knew each other so well, we didn’t really have to speak.

‘But no news from the hospital?’ Hal asked.

‘No, no news.’

He came across. Held me close. And it felt so right. So safe. I stayed in his arms, my head on his chest, in the quiet, ticking house. I felt every muscle relax: felt my bones liquefy. At length, I raised my head.

‘Where’s Seffy?’

‘I left him down there.’

‘At the kennels?’

‘No, at Cassie’s.’

I stared. ‘What?’

‘Well, Letty wasn’t there. She’d left a note saying she’d gone to London. Quite normal, according to Cassie. Apparently she just disappears on a whim, leaving Cassie alone, which is rather worrying.’

‘So they’re on their own? Seffy and Cassie?’

‘Yes. Seffy said he’d walk back later, but he didn’t want to leave her just yet.’

‘Of course he doesn’t!’ I stormed, breaking out of his embrace roughly. I stepped back. My breathing was laboured.

‘What d’you mean?’ He looked startled.

‘Well, for God’s sake, Hal, use your head! Two teenagers alone