One Day in May - Catherine Alliott [146]
It seemed to me the breath that came out of me as I exhaled went on for ever; had been waiting to come out for so long. It seemed to wrap around us, this air, this silence, enveloping the three of us, suspending us in time. A numb calmness took hold of me and the wound in my chest no longer wept, no longer seeped. It was done. The thing was done.
28
It seemed to me we held those positions for a long time. Hal leaning on the dresser, arms folded, Seffy with his back to the sink, looking down at his shoes, me on my stool, gazing at my hands, like three characters in a play oblivious to the curtain coming down at the end of an act, still there when it’s raised for the next.
Running footsteps in the room above vaguely stirred me. Down the backstairs they came, along the passage, until the door flew open. Laura stood there: face pale, but alight.
‘He’s going to be all right. He was knocked unconscious by the blast but he’s come round and he hasn’t got any serious head injuries. Hugh just rang, he’s going to be OK.’ She covered her face and burst into tears.
It took me a moment. Then, feeling numb and displaced, I got up and crossed the room to hug her. ‘Thank the Lord. Oh, thank God, Laura,’ I managed to whisper.
Seffy hugged her too and she fought for composure. She gave a mighty sniff, threw her head up to the ceiling and blinked hard. ‘He’s on a drip, and very groggy, obviously, but he’s conscious. Admittedly he’s got this almighty gash across his forehead and his face is completely peppered by the shot, but heads do bleed – ferociously, apparently. Apart from the gash, though, it’s mostly superficial.’ She blew her nose vigorously. ‘Hugh says it looks much, much worse than it is.’ She nodded emphatically; tucked her hanky back up her sleeve.
‘I’m so glad, Laura.’ Hal crossed the room to join us and squeezed her shoulder.
‘He says obviously he’ll have to stay in for a bit, for observation, but there’s every chance he’ll be out in a few days. He’s not even in intensive care any more. I’m going to the hospital now. Daisy wants to come too. Where are the others? I must tell them.’
‘They’re down at the kennels with the dogs. Mum’s gone up for a lie-down.’ My voice, from somewhere.
‘I’ll go down and tell them. Will you tell Mum when she wakes up?’
‘Of course.’
And off she flew, down the passage and outside towards the kennels. Luca. I’d quite forgotten. I heard Daisy thunder downstairs and then run down the back passage and on out to the cars.
‘Mum!’ she cried as she ran across the gravel. ‘Come on!’
A door slammed as she leaped in her mother’s four-by-four, glancing about impatiently.
Well, thank the Lord. One young girl who wouldn’t have to wrestle with her conscience for the rest of her days: one young girl whose life hadn’t been brought to a standstill as she tortured herself with what she may, or may not have unconsciously inflicted on her half-brother. That sort of mental anguish was not something one wanted to lug around for ever, and despite being completely shattered, I felt the gentle easing of my own lead weight, hitherto dragging behind me. Seffy knowing was frightening, but not as frightening as it might have been had he been ten or eleven, surely? All his young trust destroyed? At fifteen he understood a bit, I felt. I straightened up a little. And I like to think I’d have told him at some stage, anyway. Nonsense. I caught my breath, aware that even in the privacy of my own head I couldn’t be completely truthful.
I heaved up a sigh and let it out shakily. From a selfish point of view, though, at least he’d had a year to grapple with this. At least it wasn’t fresh. Pumping. But a year without me to help him, I thought with a lurch. On his own, except… no, he’d had Hal. As we heard Laura’s car take off at speed, I thanked Hal silently, fervently. Once he’d got over his own shock, that Seffy was his brother’s child, I know he’d have spoken well of me. Wouldn’t have painted me as too black a figure, would have urged Seffy to look at it from my point of view, even if he didn’t entirely understand