One Fifth Avenue - Candace Bushnell [180]
“Oh, good, dear,” Enid said. “You’re here.”
“Where else would I be?” Lola asked nervously, taking a gulp of her drink.
“The question is, where should you be?” Enid said. She smiled broadly and sat down on the couch, patting the place next to her. “Come here, dear,” she said, giving Lola a frightening smile. “I want to talk to you.”
“Where’s Philip?” Lola demanded.
“I imagine he’s still with Schiffer.”
“Why?”
“Don’t you know, dear? He’s in love with her. He always has been, and I’m afraid for your sake, he always will be.”
“Did Philip ask you to tell me this, or are you doing it on your own?”
“I haven’t talked to Philip since this morning. I have, however, talked to quite a few other people who have informed me that you’re going to be in the papers tomorrow. Don’t look so surprised, dear,” Enid said. “I work for a newspaper. I have many, many contacts. That’s one of the advantages of being old. One collects lots of friends. Are you sure you don’t want to sit down?”
Lola tried to beg for mercy. “Oh, Enid,” she cried out, and kneeling down, she buried her head in the couch in shame. “It wasn’t my fault. This girl came up to me, and I didn’t know what to say. She somehow got it out of me.”
“There, there,” Enid said, patting Lola’s head. “It happens to everyone once. You were just like a snake about to be attacked by a mongoose.”
“That’s right,” Lola said, although she had no idea what a mongoose was.
“I can fix everything. I only need to know if you’re pregnant, dear.”
Lola sat up and felt around for her drink. “I could be,” she said, becoming defiant.
Enid crossed one aged leg over the other. “If you are carrying Philip’s child, I suggest you pour that glass of vodka down the sink. Immediately.”
“I told you,” Lola said. “I don’t know if I’m pregnant or not.”
“Why don’t we find out?” Enid said. She reached into a paper bag and took out a pregnancy test.
“You can’t make me do that,” Lola shrieked, jumping back in horror.
Enid held out the kit. When Lola shook her head, Enid placed it on the coffee table between them.
“Where’s Philip?” Lola said. “If Philip knew what you were doing—”
“Philip is a man, my dear. And, unfortunately, slightly weak. Especially in the face of female hysteria. Men just can’t bear it, you know? They tune it out.” Enid crossed her arms and, looking Lola up and down, said soothingly, “I only have your best interests at heart. If you are pregnant, you’ll need looking after. Of course, you will have the baby. It would be so lovely if Philip had a child. And we’ll make sure you’re taken care of for life. I have an extra bedroom, and you can live with me.” She paused. “On the other hand, if you do take the test and you’re not pregnant, I’ll make sure the story goes away quickly. With very little harm to you.” Enid gave Lola another terrifying smile. “But as you said, I can’t make you take the test. If you don’t take it, however, I’m going to assume you’re not pregnant. And if you’re not pregnant and you continue to lie about it, I’ll make your life a living hell.”
“Don’t threaten me, Enid,” Lola said warningly. “No one threatens me and gets away with it.”
Enid laughed. “Don’t be silly, my dear. Threats are only meaningful if you have the power to execute them. And you, my dear, do not.” She stood up. “I’ve tolerated your antics for quite a while. But today you’ve made me very, very angry.” She nodded at the coffee table. “Take the test.”
Lola grabbed the box. Enid was old, but she was still the meanest mean girl Lola had ever encountered, and Lola was afraid of her. So afraid, in fact, that she actually peed on the plastic indicator and handed it over to Enid, who examined it with grim satisfaction. “Now, that’s lucky, my dear,” she said. “It seems you’re not pregnant after all. If you were, it might have been complicated. We wouldn’t have known who the father was. Not until the