Our American Cousin [20]
remember, your happiness for life will depend upon the choice you make.
Aug What would you advise, mamma? You know I am always advised by you.
Mrs M Dear, obedient child, De Boots has excellent expectations, but then they are only expectations after all. This American is rich, and on the whole I think a well regulated affection ought to incline to Asa Trenchard.
Aug Very well, mamma.
Mrs M At the same time, you must be cautious, or in grasping at Asa Trenchard's solid good qualities, you may miss them, and De Boots expectations into the bargain.
Aug Oh, I will take care not to give up my hold on poor De Boots 'till I am quite sure of the American.
Mrs M That's my own girl. [Enter Asa L.] Ah, Mr. Trenchard, we were just talking of your archery powers.
Asa Wal, I guess shooting with bows and arrows is just about like most things in life, all you've got to do is keep the sun out of your eyes, look straight--pull strong--calculate the distance, and you're sure to hit the mark in most things as well as shooting.
Aug But not in England, Mr. Trenchard. There are disinterested hearts that only ask an opportunity of showing how they despise that gold, which others set such store by.
Asa Wal, I suppose there are, Miss Gusty.
Aug All I crave is affection.
Asa [Crosses to C.] Do you, now? I wish I could make sure of that, for I've been cruelly disappointed in that particular.
Mrs M Yes, but we are old friends, Mr. Trenchard, and you needn't be afraid of us.
Asa Oh, I ain't afraid of you--both on you together.
Mrs M People sometimes look a great way off, for that which is near at hand. [Glancing at Augusta and Asa alternatively.]
Asa You don't mean, Miss Gusta. [Augusta casts sheeps eyes at him.] Now, don't look at me in that way. I can't stand it, if you do, I'll bust.
Mrs M Oh, if you only knew how refreshing this ingenuousness of yours is to an old woman of the world like me.
Asa Be you and old woman of the world?
Mrs M Yes, sir.
Aug Oh yes.
Asa Well I don't doubt it in the least. [Aside.] This gal and the old woman are trying to get me on a string. [Aloud.] Wal, then, if a rough spun fellow like me was to come forward as a suitor for you daughter's hand, you wouldn't treat me as some folks do, when they find out I wasn't heir to the fortune.
Mrs M Not heir to the fortune, Mr. Trenchard?
Asa Oh, no.
Aug What, no fortune?
Asa Nary red, it all comes to their barkin up the wrong tree about the old man's property.
Mrs M Which he left to you.
Asa Oh, no.
Aug Not to you?
Asa No, which he meant to leave to me, but he thought better on it, and left it to his granddaughter Miss Mary Meredith.
Mrs M Miss Mary Meredith! Oh, I'm delighted.
Aug Delighted?
Asa Yes, you both look tickled to death. Now, some gals, and mothers would go away from a fellow when they found that out, but you don't valley fortune, Miss Gusty?
Mrs M [Aside, crosses to Aug.] My love, you had better go.
Asa You crave affection, _you_ do. Now I've no fortune, but I'm filling over with affections which I'm ready to pour out all over you like apple sass, over roast pork.
Mrs M Mr. Trenchard, you will please recollect you are addressing my daughter, and in my presence.
Asa Yes, I'm offering her my heart and hand just as she wants them with nothing in 'em.
Mrs M Augusta, dear, to you room.
Aug Yes, ma, the nasty beast. [Exit R.]
Mrs M I am aware, Mr. Trenchard, you are not used to the manners of good society, and that, alone, will excuse the impertinence of which you have been guilty.
Asa Don't know the manners of good society, eh? Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal-- you sockdologizing old man-trap. Wal, now, when I think what I've thrown away in hard cash to-day I'm apt to call myself some awful hard names, 400,000 dollars is a big pile for a man to light his cigar with. If that gal had only given me herself in exchange, it wouldn't have been a bad bargain. But I dare no more
Aug What would you advise, mamma? You know I am always advised by you.
Mrs M Dear, obedient child, De Boots has excellent expectations, but then they are only expectations after all. This American is rich, and on the whole I think a well regulated affection ought to incline to Asa Trenchard.
Aug Very well, mamma.
Mrs M At the same time, you must be cautious, or in grasping at Asa Trenchard's solid good qualities, you may miss them, and De Boots expectations into the bargain.
Aug Oh, I will take care not to give up my hold on poor De Boots 'till I am quite sure of the American.
Mrs M That's my own girl. [Enter Asa L.] Ah, Mr. Trenchard, we were just talking of your archery powers.
Asa Wal, I guess shooting with bows and arrows is just about like most things in life, all you've got to do is keep the sun out of your eyes, look straight--pull strong--calculate the distance, and you're sure to hit the mark in most things as well as shooting.
Aug But not in England, Mr. Trenchard. There are disinterested hearts that only ask an opportunity of showing how they despise that gold, which others set such store by.
Asa Wal, I suppose there are, Miss Gusty.
Aug All I crave is affection.
Asa [Crosses to C.] Do you, now? I wish I could make sure of that, for I've been cruelly disappointed in that particular.
Mrs M Yes, but we are old friends, Mr. Trenchard, and you needn't be afraid of us.
Asa Oh, I ain't afraid of you--both on you together.
Mrs M People sometimes look a great way off, for that which is near at hand. [Glancing at Augusta and Asa alternatively.]
Asa You don't mean, Miss Gusta. [Augusta casts sheeps eyes at him.] Now, don't look at me in that way. I can't stand it, if you do, I'll bust.
Mrs M Oh, if you only knew how refreshing this ingenuousness of yours is to an old woman of the world like me.
Asa Be you and old woman of the world?
Mrs M Yes, sir.
Aug Oh yes.
Asa Well I don't doubt it in the least. [Aside.] This gal and the old woman are trying to get me on a string. [Aloud.] Wal, then, if a rough spun fellow like me was to come forward as a suitor for you daughter's hand, you wouldn't treat me as some folks do, when they find out I wasn't heir to the fortune.
Mrs M Not heir to the fortune, Mr. Trenchard?
Asa Oh, no.
Aug What, no fortune?
Asa Nary red, it all comes to their barkin up the wrong tree about the old man's property.
Mrs M Which he left to you.
Asa Oh, no.
Aug Not to you?
Asa No, which he meant to leave to me, but he thought better on it, and left it to his granddaughter Miss Mary Meredith.
Mrs M Miss Mary Meredith! Oh, I'm delighted.
Aug Delighted?
Asa Yes, you both look tickled to death. Now, some gals, and mothers would go away from a fellow when they found that out, but you don't valley fortune, Miss Gusty?
Mrs M [Aside, crosses to Aug.] My love, you had better go.
Asa You crave affection, _you_ do. Now I've no fortune, but I'm filling over with affections which I'm ready to pour out all over you like apple sass, over roast pork.
Mrs M Mr. Trenchard, you will please recollect you are addressing my daughter, and in my presence.
Asa Yes, I'm offering her my heart and hand just as she wants them with nothing in 'em.
Mrs M Augusta, dear, to you room.
Aug Yes, ma, the nasty beast. [Exit R.]
Mrs M I am aware, Mr. Trenchard, you are not used to the manners of good society, and that, alone, will excuse the impertinence of which you have been guilty.
Asa Don't know the manners of good society, eh? Well, I guess I know enough to turn you inside out, old gal-- you sockdologizing old man-trap. Wal, now, when I think what I've thrown away in hard cash to-day I'm apt to call myself some awful hard names, 400,000 dollars is a big pile for a man to light his cigar with. If that gal had only given me herself in exchange, it wouldn't have been a bad bargain. But I dare no more