Outlander - Diana Gabaldon [182]
22
RECKONINGS
We reached Doonesbury well after dark. It was a fair-sized coach-stop with an inn, fortunately. Dougal closed his eyes briefly in pain as he paid the innkeeper; it would take quite a bit of extra silver to insure his silence as to our presence.
The silver, however, also insured a hearty supper, with plenty of ale. Despite the food, supper was a grim affair, eaten mostly in silence. Sitting there in my ruined gown, modestly covered by Jamie’s extra shirt, I was plainly in disgrace. Except for Jamie, the men behaved as though I were completely invisible, and even Jamie did no more than shove bread and meat in my direction from time to time. It was a relief at last to go up to our chamber, small and cramped though it was.
I sank on the bed with a sigh, disregarding the state of the bedclothes.
“I’m done in. It’s been a long day.”
“Aye, it has that.” Jamie unfastened his collar and cuffs and unbuckled his sword belt, but made no move to undress further. He pulled the strap from the scabbard and doubled it, flexing the leather meditatively.
“Come to bed, Jamie. What are you waiting for?”
He came to stand by the bed, swinging the belt gently back and forth.
“Well, lass, I’m afraid we’ve a matter still to settle between us before we sleep tonight.” I felt a sudden stab of apprehension.
“What is it?”
He didn’t answer at once. Deliberately not sitting down on the bed by me, he pulled up a stool and sat facing me instead.
“Do ye realize, Claire,” he said quietly, “that all of us came close to bein’ killed this afternoon?”
I looked down at the quilt, shamefaced. “Yes, I know. My fault. I’m sorry.”
“Aye, so ye realize,” he said. “Do ye know that if a man among us had done such a thing, to put the rest in danger, he would ha’ likely had his ears cropped, or been flogged, if not killed outright?” I blanched at this.
“No, I didn’t know.”
“Well, I know as you’re not yet familiar wi’ our ways, and it’s some excuse. Still I did tell ye to stay hid, and had ye done so, it would never have happened. Now the English will be lookin’ high and low for us; we shall have to lie hid during the days and travel at night now.”
He paused. “And as for Captain Randall…aye, that’s something else again.”
“He’ll be looking for you especially, you mean, now that he knows you’re here?” He nodded absently, looking off into the fire.
“Aye. He…it’s personal, with him, ye know?”
“I’m so sorry, Jamie,” I said. Jamie dismissed this with a wave of the hand.
“Eh, if it were only me ye’d hurt by it, I wouldna say more about it. Though since we’re talkin’,” he shot me a sharp glance, “I’ll tell ye that it near killed me to see that animal with his hands on you.” He looked off into the fire, grim-faced, as though reliving the afternoon’s events.
I thought of telling him about Randall’s…difficulties, but was afraid it would do more harm than good. I desperately wanted to hold Jamie and beg him to forgive me, but I didn’t dare to touch him. After a long moment of silence, he sighed and stood up, slapping the belt lightly against his thigh.
“Well, then,” he said. “Best get on wi’ it. You’ve done considerable damage by crossing my orders, and I’m going to punish ye for it, Claire. Ye’ll recall what I told ye when I left ye this morning?” I recalled all right, and I hastily flung myself across the bed so my back was pressed to the wall.
“What do you mean?”
“Ye know quite well what I mean,” he said firmly. “Kneel down by the bed and lift your skirts, lass.”
“I’ll do no such thing!” I took a good hold on the bedpost with both hands and wormed my way further into the corner.
Jamie watched me through narrowed eyes for a moment, debating what to do next. It occurred to me that there was nothing whatever to stop him doing anything he liked to me; he outweighed me by a good five stone. He at last decided on talk rather than action, though, and carefully laid the strap aside before crawling over the bedclothes to sit beside me.
“Now, Claire—” he began.
“I’ve said I’m sorry!” I burst out. “And I am.