Paladin of Souls - Lois McMaster Bujold [98]
Finished, she eased the lid back on with a clink, frowned at how loud the noise seemed in the stillness, and pushed the pot back out of the way again. She returned to the window, intending to bar the shutters once more.
A shuffling of slippered feet sounded in the courtyard below, then scuffed quickly up the stairs. Ista held her breath, peering between the spirals of iron. Catti again, all soft, shimmering silks, flowing over her body like water as she moved in the moonlight. One would think the cursed girl would get cold.
She certainly wasn’t carrying a pitcher of goat’s milk this time. She wasn’t even carrying a candle. Whether she clutched some smaller, more perilous vial close to her chest, or merely held her light robe closed, Ista could not tell.
She eased Lord Illvin’s door open in silence and slid within.
Ista stood still at her window, staring into the dark, hands wrapped around the cold iron foliage.
All right. You win. I can’t stand this any longer.
Teeth grinding, Ista sorted through her clothes presently hung on the row of wall pegs, drew down the black silk robe, and shrugged it on over her pale nightdress. She didn’t wish to risk waking Liss by blundering in the dark through the outer chamber to the door. Did her window even open? She wasn’t sure the iron rod holding the grating closed would move out of its stone groove at first, but it came up with a tug. The grating pushed outward. She hoisted her hips up to the sill and swung her legs out.
Her bare feet made less noise on the boards of the gallery than Catti’s slippers had. As no orange glow had begun in the dark chamber opposite, Ista was unsurprised to find the inner shutters of Illvin’s window open to the moonlight, too. But from Ista’s vantage, easing up to the edge of the sinuous iron vines that guarded the opening, Catti was scarcely more than a dark shape moving among darker shapes, a scuff, a breath, the squeak of a floorboard softer than a mouse’s cry.
The spot on Ista’s forehead ached like a day-old scalding.
I can’t see a benighted thing. I want to see.
Inside the room, fabric rustled.
Ista swallowed, or tried to. And prayed, Ista-fashion: or made a prayer of rage, as some claimed to do of song or the work of their hands. So long as it was from the heart, the divines promised, the gods would hear. Ista’s heart boiled over.
I have denied my eyes, both inner and outer. I am not child, or virgin, or modest wife, fearing to offend. No one owns my eyes now but me. If I have not the stomach by now to look upon any sight in the world, good or evil, beautiful or vile, when shall I? It is far too late for innocence. My only hope is the much more painful consolation of wisdom. Which can grow out of knowledge alone.
Give me my true eyes. I want to see. I have to know.
Lord Bastard. Cursed be Your name.
Open my eyes.
The pain on her forehead flared, then eased.
She saw a couple of the old ghosts, first, hovering in air: not curiously, for no spirits so faded and cold could hold so coherent an emotion, but drawn as moths to a light. Catti’s hand, then, impatiently swishing through the air, driving them off as one might brush away annoying insects.
She sees them, too.
Ista set aside the implications of this for later reflection as her vision began to fill with that milky fire she had seen in her dream. Illvin was the source of it, a flickering incandescence that ran the length of his body like spilled oil ignited by a brand. Catti was much darker, solider, but the details of her face, body, hands, slowly took shape and certainty. She was standing by the far side of Illvin’s bed, and the rope of white fire was running out through her twisting fingers. Ista turned her head just enough to follow it, out the door, crossing the court. Without question, its liquid movement was away, not toward, the supine figure in the bed.
He was dressed again in the practical undyed