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the Métro pulls you in with its twists and turns; its lavish curls seem exotic and exciting. Strolling along the Seine in the evening from Notre-Dame to the Eiffel Tower, different parts of the city slip in and out of view. The Eiffel Tower radiates blue light, in contrast to the white light filling I. M. Pei’s Louvre pyramid. When it’s cool outside and I’m finished looking at the buildings and streets, my eye wanders to the beautiful people walking around and their wonderful scarves! And then I move on to the food: even something as simple as a croque-monsieur—toasted ham and cheese sandwich—seems divine. My favorite way to experience Paris is on foot with my eyes wide open and ready to take it all in! From the big museums and cooking schools to the streetside vendors and markets, there is always something to see and appreciate.”

—Lindsey Elias, children’s books marketer and Paris enthusiast

The French, Rude? Mais Non!

JOSEPH VOELKER

LOTS OF VISITORS to France have amusing language faux pas tales to tell. One common mistake, for example, is to say “Je suis plein” for “I’m full” after a meal—since the phrase Je suis plein means “I’m pregnant” (“J’ai assez mangé” is a better way to say you don’t want seconds). No matter how well one might know the language, it’s still hard to speak it flawlessly, as the author of this piece attests.

JOSEPH VOELKER is dean of the College of Arts and Sciences at the University of Hartford. Previously he held the position of associate dean at Franklin & Marshall College, where he also served on the English department faculty for many years.

IT IS FUNNY that we Americans, in our current enthusiasm for cultural diversity, have collectively decided to be tolerant of all national and ethnic groups on the planet except the French. If a Bororo chieftain starts beating his wife in their hut, the visiting American anthropologist—though feminist to the core—will stand by and say nothing. But she’ll tell you a story that vilifies the French waiter who refused to bring her a wine list.

No doubt there are complex historical reasons for this acceptability of French-bashing: their arrogance as inheritors of a two-thousand-year-old culture, their irksomely deserved reputation for elegance and knowing how to live. And the fact that they are rude.

If we speak English, French waiters and hotel receptionists ignore us. If we try to speak French, they respond in English—and not always the best English at that. We are humiliated by this response. Why do they act so superior? Having recently spent a year living just outside Nantes, I venture a couple of amateurish explanations, in the spirit that tout comprendre est tout pardonner—to understand everything is to forgive everything.

First, the French language is simply much harder than the English. It certainly seems to have more tenses, moods, and genders, and it’s full of subtle and numerous irregularities. For instance, they don’t pronounce the f in oeufs (eggs); for deux oeufs you have to say “duhz uhh.” French is hard to articulate. The French mouth is far more tense than the English and makes its sounds farther to the front, where seemingly minor errors can create major shifts in significance.

French people, from elementary school onward, learn their language in an atmosphere of intimidation. As corporal punishment was the medium in which our ancestors learned Latin, so humiliation is the medium in which the French learn French. As a result, they associate speaking badly with stupidity. At a dinner party recently, a French friend who is by no means pedantic told me she couldn’t drink another glass of wine because it would cause her to make mistakes in the subjunctive.

Two of the best speakers of the French language in public life are François Mitterrand and Jean-Marie Le Pen, who correspond roughly in our political system to George H. W. Bush and Jesse Helms respectively. The two men are politically opposed on every count: Mitterrand is a socialist; Le Pen is a far-right xenophobe. But they share one attribute: they are able to employ