Pathways - Jeri Taylor [170]
“Is it a good idea to keep dumping it here, in the shelter?” asked Harry.
“I don’t think so. It’s going to get all over us, and that might be noticed.”
“Where, then?” queried B’Elanna. “We can’t do it where someone might see it. And the transporters don’t have enough power to take it very far.”
“I know a place,” said Neelix. “Why not beam it right into the ore quarries? There’s plenty of dust there already. There’s an area behind the antigrav storage units where the guards never go. They’ll never see it.”
“Good idea, Neelix,” said Chakotay. “Can you give them coordinates?”
Neelix did so and Harry continued with the process as the others disbanded. Neelix saw Tuvok leave the shelter, and he followed.
Tuvok was sitting on the ground, eyeing the denizens of the camp with a wary eye. The scuffle with Chakotay’s group was a reminder that no one was truly safe in this place, and one had to be alert at all times.
Neelix took a seat next to Tuvok. He hoped the Vulcan would make some comment about his story, but a long silence ensued. Neelix found himself feeling unaccountably nervous, reading into Tuvok’s silence a general disapproval—and yet, what could he expect? From the moment they first met, Tuvok had been aloof and judgmental.
Nonetheless, his opinion mattered to Neelix, and so, inwardly chastising himself for doing so, he turned to the somber man.
“So, Mr. Vulcan . . . what did you think of my story?”
Another silence. Neelix felt himself begin to perspire. Why wasn’t Tuvok answering him? Had he embarrassed himself that fully? He felt his heart beating in his chest.
“I know I’ve done some awful things in my life,” he stammered, “but I’ve tried to make up for them. I hope you won’t hold what I’ve told you against me . . .” He trailed off lamely, his words sounding hollow.
Tuvok turned slowly to look at him, his dark visage glistening in the heat of the setting sun. His eyes seemed to pierce Neelix’s brain. He stared like that for a full moment before he spoke.
“I found it an exceptional story. You have complexities, and courage, I would never have imagined.”
Neelix couldn’t believe what he was hearing—Tuvok was actually complimenting him! He felt a little shiver of pleasure, but he couldn’t for the life of him think of anything to say in return. He suddenly wished that Kes were here, and could hear what Tuvok had to say. She would have been proud.
Suddenly, before he had a chance to think about it, he was talking about her. “I still miss Kes,” he said in a rush of emotion. “Sometimes during the night I think I hear her voice, and I sit up and look around. But of course she’s not there.”
Tuvok looked at him once more with those intensely focused eyes. “But she is,” he said simply.
“What?” asked Neelix, confused.
“She is with us still,” continued Tuvok. “Her going was a transcendence, not a death. She is connected to all of us.”
“How do you know this?” asked Neelix. It was comforting to think it might be true, that Kes hovered somewhere, perhaps on another plane but aware of her friends, able to see and hear them and feel a part of their life.
“Our minds were meshed on many occasions. I possess her katra within me.”
“That’s amazing.”
“And I sense her presence from time to time. So it’s no surprise that you might have done the same.”
“I have no telepathic powers.”
“But your emotional connection to her was quite strong. I’m sure she has kept that bond.”
Neelix was torn between feelings of pleasure and sorrow: he enjoyed the thought that Kes was still bound to him in some way, however ephemeral; but he couldn’t avoid regret for all that was lost.
“I know it’s a cliché, but it’s true that you never realize what you have until it’s gone. There’s so much I don’t know about Kes . . . our life together started when I met her in that Kazon encampment. I didn’t want her to know some of the things I’d done before that, so I never brought up the past.”
Neelix stared down at the dirt for a moment, collecting the thoughts