Perfect Fifths_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [41]
“Married? That’s fantastic!”
“It is.”
“You must be so happy for them.”
“I am! They’re so great together. They always have been so great together.”
“Please congratulate them for me. Although …”
“What?”
“I thought they had decided not to get married. Or am I remembering wrong?”
“No, you’re remembering it right. They changed their minds. Actually, Bridget changed her mind. Percy was always for marriage, even if he pretended to be against marriage for a while, just to make Bridget happy. But after so many years together, he couldn’t deny the truth anymore, that he was a traditional guy who wanted a traditional wedding with some, if not all, of the traditional trappings. A ceremony on the beach was a middle-ground … uh … uh … ?”
“Compromise? Or is that too negative?”
“Compromise. Yes, that’s the word I was searching for, I guess. Compromise. If you think about it and break it down, it’s really not all that negative. ‘Com’ is Latin for ‘co,’ meaning ‘together.’ And ‘promise’ is, of course, ‘promise,’ a vow. Together vow.”
“Together vow.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Actually, that’s pretty damn good. I should add that to tomorrow’s sermon.”
“Sermon?”
“Did I forget to mention that I’m performing the ceremony tomorrow? Or I’m supposed to, if I ever get down there.”
“You? Of all people?”
“Yes, me. Go ahead and mock, but I’m a woman of the cloth now, ordained over the Internet by the Universal Ministry of Secular Humanity.”
“You?!”
“It’s a fake church for atheists, Marcus.”
“That makes perfect sense.”
“Then why are you looking at me all smirky like that?”
“You don’t see any irony in this situation?”
“Irony? What’s so ironic?”
“It’s not your lack of faith in a higher power that makes you an unlikely minister for a marriage ceremony. It’s your lack of faith in m—”
“My public speaking skills?”
“Er, right. That’s exactly the irony I was referring to.”
“You know what’s really ironic? After Bridget and Percy booked this out-of-the-way and out-of-pocket destination wedding, I told them that the RSVPs would serve as a barometer of who matters and who doesn’t. They would know for sure who their most devoted friends and family members were, you know, the ones willing to take off from work and go into debt to fly their asses down there, the ones who cared enough to show up.”
“That is ironic. But I’m sure they know you’re there for them, Jessica, in spirit if not in body.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve heard it already. But I’m still pissed off at myself for missing the flight. And if I can’t get on this flight that leaves in a few hours, then I won’t get out of here until late tomorrow morning, which means I’ll miss the wedding altogether, which sucks for me because I obviously really want to see two of my best friends get married.”
“And to make matters worse, you’re not feeling well.”
“Right. [Cough. Cough. Sniffle.] These cramps are, uh, hell. Ow.”
“It looks that way.”
“Anyway, it’s not like their wedding is a huge affair, just family members and a few select friends. Two dozen guests, tops. So my absence won’t go unnoticed.”
“I’m sure your absence would be felt even if they had invited five hundred guests.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“What I meant is that you’re not easily missed.”
“Uh, thanks? I’m so annoying that no one misses me when I’m not around?”
“No! That’s not what I meant at all! I meant ‘miss’ as in ‘overlook.’ Not ‘miss’ as in ‘regret… the … absence … of.’”
“Uh, okay.”
[Pause.]
“I’m fairly certain that my year of silence permanently affected my ability to talk like a normal person. I approach language almost like a nonnative speaker.”
“A Lacanian theorist would have a field day with you.”
“A what?”
“Forget it. Continue.”
“Well, I feel like I’m speaking ESL all the time. Or English as a third or fourth language: 2007 LOLcat translated from phonetic Chinese via Babel Fish.”
“So you sound like … a bad tattoo?”
“Ow. Now I’m the one who’s hurting.