Perfect Fifths_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [45]
“He didn’t outright proposition me. But he did spend a disproportionate amount of time trying to convince me that the research against bisexuality—the idea that you’re either gay, straight, or lying—was all wrong. And you know Paul better than I do, so you’re aware that he’s a very persuasive debater.”
“My high school crush-to-end-all-crushes almost had man sex with my ex.”
“Almost?”
“Do you hear that sound? Do you? That is the sound of my heart exploding.”
“Almost?!”
“Well, you are drinking again. How am I to know whether or not you’ve gone back to indiscriminate sex and all your other vices?”
“Indiscriminate man sex was never one of my vices. And for the record, I have not gone back to indiscriminate female sex, or drugs, or whatever other vices you might be referring to. I’ve learned to enjoy a few drinks every now and then among friends. That’s it.”
“Is that, you know, healthy for someone with your history?”
“I was never addicted to drugs or alcohol. Tobacco, maybe, but I kicked that habit, too. There were plenty of students at Pineville High who were far more messed up than I ever was. But I was more conspicuous, for whatever reasons.”
“The same reasons that make you a conspicuous loiterer.”
“Right. So my flirtation with self-destruction was harder to ignore, I guess. And I didn’t do anything to dispel any myths that might have circulated around town. The less I said about myself, the easier it was for everyone else to spin their own fabulist versions of Marcus Flutie, which was fine by me. Anything to keep up the attention-getting poet-addict-manwhore mystique that was the primary conceit of my teen years.”
“Well, it sure worked.”
“Too well, Jessica. It worked all too well.”
[Pause.]
“I don’t think Paul was really into you.”
“You don’t? I’ll try not to be insulted.”
“If he was really into you, he wouldn’t have given up so easily. I’ll tell you who he’s really hot for: my mentor. Remember Samuel Mac-Dougall? The writer? To bring this conversation full circle, he was the one who taught the writing class at SPECIAL that took the trip to New York City where I met up with Paul Parlipiano at the coffee shop.”
“I just saw his latest book in the airport gift shop.”
“The Rainbow Parachute.”
“Right. If he’s selling in the airports and supermarkets, he must be doing okay for himself.”
“Paul has been smitten with Mac for years. They met at my graduation party a few years back, and Paul has been semi-stalking him ever since. I mean, Paul actually signed up for one of his creative writing seminars, which I couldn’t believe, because there is nothing creative about Paul in the least. My friend Dexy from college still refers to Paul as, like, the worst gay sidekick ever. So it was kind of funny to watch serious Paul turn into a giggly teenage girl. I mean, he was exactly like me at seventeen, when I was taking Mac’s summer writing program and got so obsessed and was all, like, got it bad, got it bad, got it bad … I’m hot for teacher! It’s really the first time I ever saw Paul act so irrationally, which was a refreshingly shallow change from Mr. Weight of the World.”
“Did anything ever happen between them?”
“Nope. Mac rebuffed Paul’s advances, citing that it was unethical and kind of shady for a teacher to have intimate relations with a student half his age.”
[Throat clearing.] “Unethical and kind of shady. Of course.”
[Pause.]
“So that must have been strange, bumping into someone from Pineville in the Lower Ninth Ward.”
“Stranger things have happened, Jessica.”
“That’s true. Give me an example.”
“An example?”
“A strange-but-true story. I love strange-but-true stories.”
“An example of a strange-but-true story …”
“Come on, Marcus. There are so many to choose from.”
“Don’t rush me. Let’s see … all right. I’ve got one. Ready?”
“Hit me.”
“A Detroit man named Figlock was walking down the street. A baby fell out of a high window and landed right on top of him. Both survived. A year later, Figlock was walking down the same street. The same baby fell out of the same window and landed right on top of him.