Perfect Fifths_ A Jessica Darling Novel - Megan McCafferty [64]
“I don’t know.”
“Well, then I don’t know, either.”
ten
(yes)
“Okay. I guess I’ll start.”
“And with such enthusiasm, too.”
“Woo-hoo.”
“So much better, Jessica.”
“The story is only half as long as it would normally be because you already know the first part.”
“Which part?”
“The part about you tracking down the absurdly awesome, one-of-a-kind, not-for-sale decoupage Barry Manilow toilet seat cover I once coveted at an outdoor art festival and giving it to me as a get-back-in-my-good-graces gesture after vanishing in the desert for two years.”
“Jessica. I did not vanish. You knew where I was. I sent—”
“The postcards. The crazy-making one-word postcards. I… WISH … OUR … LOVE … WAS … RIGHT … NOW … AND …”
“And I gave you the toilet seat cover not as a reconciliatory gesture but because it was Christmastime and I had always regretted not buying it for you when we first saw it.”
“You see it your way, I see it mine. And this is my version of the story. You can tell your Rashomonic version another time.”
“Rashomon. Oh, man, you really are a—”
“A highbrownnoser.”
“Ha! That’s exactly what you are. And quite a wordsmith as well.”
“Thanks, I think. So, how did you find the one-of-a-kind not-for-sale decoupage Barry Manilow toilet seat cover?”
“There’s this wondrous new invention called the Internet.”
“Har-dee-har-har. But how did you persuade, ah, what was the name of the crafter-slash-Fanilow?”
“Lorna.”
“Lorna. How did you persuade Lorna to part with it once you found it?”
“I have my ways.”
“Seriously, Marcus. She was dead set against selling it. She said it was her masterwork.”
“I traded sexual favors.”
“Of course you did.”
“Once a manwhore …”
“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“I’ll tell you. But I thought you were telling the stories right now, not me.”
“You’re right. I am.”
“Do you still have it?”
“Have what?”
“The Barry Manilow toilet seat cover. That’s what we’re talking about, right?”
“Are we? Because I’m losing track.”
“We are.”
“It was stolen, Marcus. Remember? When Hope and I were supposed to go on that road trip. We had it in the backseat as sort of, I don’t know, a good-luck token, I guess. A lot of good it did us, huh? It was stolen, along with the diaries you had given me to read and everything else in the car. Remember?”
“I do remember now. Yes.”
“For the longest time, I thought it would turn up.”
“What?”
“All of it. The toilet seat cover. Your diaries. Everything I had lost.”
“Everything that was stolen, you mean.”
“Lost. Stolen. What does it matter when it’s all gone? Why did they have to take everything? Why not just take our money and credit cards? Why take a box of notebooks? Why take a toilet seat cover? Who would want such a thing?”
“Besides you.”
“Right. Besides me. Actually, I know someone else who would have wanted such a thing. [Cough.] I mean, who would want it still. [Cough.] She still wants it.”
“Jessica? You okay?”
[Cough.] “Fine. Just perfect. [Cough.] Two years ago one of the Do Better girls thought it would be funny to hack my multipurpose cell so it would only respond with a Barry Manilow ring tone and I’ve had it ever since. That’s the story.”
“That’s the story.”
“Actually, she’s the same girl from the story about the hammock.”
“Oh. What’s her name?”
“Her name?”
“She’s come up in conversation quite a bit, so I’m just curious. What’s her name?”
[Pause.]
“Her name is Sunny. Sunny Dae.”
[Singing] “Sunny day, keeping the clouds away …”
“It’s a good thing she’s not here right now. She hates it when people do that! She would tae kwon do your ass and …” [Coughing.]
“Jessica? Are you okay?”
[Pause.]
“We are the only people talking right now. It’s weird, right? All this noise, and yet you look around and no one is talking. It’s all texting or Twittering or Tetrising.”
“Why are you changing the subject in such an alliterative manner?”
“That’s a gorgeous sweater, Marcus. Don’t forget to put it back on before you leave. It would be a shame to lose a gorgeous sweater like that.”
[Throat clearing.] “Thank you. Why are you changing the subject?