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By Root 250 0

LEN (so sweet, smart, sensitive—a male feminist!) and i am not exaggerating when i say that if any man were worth conforming to the oppressive heterosexual monogamous paradigm for, it’s him. we might still be together if it weren’t for my former roommate JESSICA DARLING (not the porn star, but she still exploits her body to get what she wants), who I know for a FACT is the YOU in MY SONG. JESSICA DARLING fucks LEN whenever she gets horny or bored or whenever anyone else (like me or any commenters;^*) shows an interest in him and she feels threatened that he might not worship her the way he has since the third grade because she, sadly, is only as powerful as the men who love her. the HE of MY SONG is a walking phallus named MARCUS FLUTIE who ONCE SANG a song for JESSICA DARLING before senior prom that made her spread for the first time, which was such a MOMENTOUS OCCASION because she was the only virgin left in our entire high school because she thought her TWAT was a precious jewel or a rare flower or whatever crap pushed by the patriarchy to suppress the female orgasm. MARCUS FLUTIE slept with just about every girl on the Eastern Seaboard except ME though he tried to get into my panties when i was a freshman but I turned him down because i will not disempower myself just for a few clit twitches. MARCUS FLUTIE actually proposed to JESSICA DARLING and she said no (which is shocking because what better proof of female value is there than BEING A BRIDE, RIGHT?!). anyway i guess she got all panicky that no one else would ever love her (her identity being all caught up in the male gaze) because not too long after that she briefly rebounded with Len, who was so traumatized by this last attack from her VAGINA DENTATA({X})—that our sweet, sensitive, sexy Len had to exorcise the demons by writing MY SONG. if you don’t believe me, i’ve got photographic proof on my blog: http://bloggist.com/couchsurfeminist

A feminist is any woman who tells the truth about her life.

—Virginia Woolf

Jessica could tell Sunny that the worst part about Couchsurfemi-nist/Manda’s loopily vitriolic rebuke was not how it bordered on slander but how it was totally justified and almost entirely true in essence, if not in actuality. For example, Couchsurfeminist/Manda neglected to mention that her time in the heterosexual monogamous paradigm ended immediately after Len innocently walked in and interrupted a Sapphic entanglement in Manda’s dorm room. This shocking betrayal and convenient omission had as much to do with their breakup—if not more—than any lingering feelings Len had for Jessica. Jessica had been tempted, for the briefest of moments, to assign herself a screen name and defend herself against Couchsurfeminist’s accusations:

NotThePornStar commented: How dare YOU of all people make such libelous smears about other people’s promiscuity? You who taste-tested half the dicks in Pineville before deciding that vagina was the only meat on your menu.

What kind of example would that set? This was precisely the kind of debased public grievance-airing that Jessica tried to persuade the Girls to keep offline and private, best left for black-and-white-speckled composition notebooks. (In fact, Jessica begged a certain commenter screen-named SunnyDaze not to launch a counterattack to defend her mentor’s honor, then overpraised said teen for being so worldly and mature beyond her years when she grudgingly agreed.) What’s more, was Couchsurfeminist/Manda so far off the mark in her scathing summarization? Hadn’t Jessica callously disregarded Len’s feelings for her—and, to a lesser degree, Manda’s feelings for Len—over the years?

As much as Jessica hated to admit it, Couchsurfeminist/Manda was right in that regard, and it didn’t even matter if she portrayed herself as an innocent victim. After reading that post, Jessica understood that Manda truly believed Len could have been the Great Love of Her Life, just as she truly believed Jessica was the sole reason why it hadn’t turned out that way. After all, as Jessica told Sunny and all the Girls in the program: