Pirate - Duncan Falconer [112]
Matt didn’t share those feelings. Deep down he wanted to do exactly the same things. But he wanted to be the man they came to, not Stratton. Over the years, that jealousy had twisted inside of him. Instead of doing something about making himself more attractive to the selectors, Matt became resentful. He wasn’t helped in his dilemma by the fact that he didn’t have a clue how to go about getting selected for those special ops. You couldn’t just write in and ask. You couldn’t fill in a form, you couldn’t call a number. He knew, like everyone else, that just about every operator got gauged from time to time when the Secret Intelligence Service needed new recruits. He would never accept the possibility that the reason he hadn’t been selected was because they didn’t consider him good enough. That would have been too large a pill for him to swallow.
Matt would never be able to get away with abusing Stratton for no apparent reason at all. That would instantly be recognised as jealousy. And if he decided to get physical with Stratton and it was suspected he did it out of jealousy, he could find himself out of the SBS and on his way back to his commando unit for such a pathetic display. The unit didn’t tolerate such things. They could ultimately find their way into an operation and negatively affect the outcome.
Matt wasn’t that stupid, though. He knew the ground rules. So he also knew Hopper’s death by Stratton’s hand could be an acceptable reason to criticise him openly, show the man some disdain. He wouldn’t miss an opportunity like that. Matt thought he could see a personal advantage in it. He might expose a severe flaw in the highly rated operative while at the same time turn the spotlight on himself. Elevate himself and at the same time shrink Stratton’s stature.
‘It was intentional,’ Stratton said without any edge or emotion to his voice.
There were those nearby who hadn’t known. Some of them had heard but could not believe that Stratton had wilfully killed Hopper. To hear the admission from Stratton’s own lips left all of them confused. Even those who thought they knew him. A few immediately doubted that they could support him.
‘I can’t imagine a scenario where you would have to kill a mate deliberately,’ Matt said. ‘There’s always a chance he might survive.’
Matt had a valid point. Stratton could never be 100 per cent certain Hopper would have died if he hadn’t shot him.
‘Who do you think you are? God?’ Matt said.
Stratton was seething deep down inside. He harboured a great deal of guilt about Hopper’s death, to be sure. But despite the element of doubt that Hopper might not have died at the hands of the fanatical terrorists if Stratton hadn’t shot him, it wasn’t the true source of his guilt. That originated with the events that had led to Hopper being taken away by Sabarak. Stratton’s self-indulgent adventure to the ship was the reason Hopper had been taken to the jihadists’ camp. That was his true crime and the cause of Hopper’s death. But Matt was talking about something else. He didn’t know about that side of the story, and perhaps if he did, he would not have seen anything wrong with it because it was precisely the kind of thing Matt would have done himself. Stratton not only believed Matt was wrong, he resented him for it.
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Stratton said, keeping a grip on his anger.
‘Is that right? Why don’t you explain it to us?’
‘I would, if I thought you’d get it.’
Matt gritted his teeth, reading the insinuation that he in particular wouldn’t understand while others might. He had been accused of being thick in the past, an accusation he didn’t take kindly to. Banter in the SBS could get particularly barbed and personal but people were expected not to overreact