Plugged - Eoin Colfer [24]
Fletcher withdrew his finger. ‘What about my nose, Doc?’ ‘Does this look like a Swiss clinic? Injectables only,’ said the man I would later know as Zeb. ‘No rhino.’
‘Who are you calling a rhino?’ said Tommy, and shot Zeb in the kneecap.
Okay, that didn’t happen, but I can dream.
I don’t sleep so well after my run-in with Mrs Delano. Probably has something to do with me realising that my upstairs neighbour is beautiful-ish in a psycho kind of way, though all the dead and dying, Connie especially, has put a dent in my libido. I feel a little treacherous that I’m not mourning Zeb yet, but I haven’t seen him on the asphalt so I’m nursing a spark of hope.
Not feeling safe is the main thing keeping me awake, even more than the morning sun, though I reckon the hoods won’t be making the rounds till noon at least. These Celtic gangsters are whores for the Jameson and Coke. But once the sun crosses the yardarm, Mike Madden’s boys might pay another visit, see if they can’t find a few more things to break. I cover the door with a wardrobe. If any arseholes come through that, they’ll think they’re in Narnia. I hang a Joshua Tree poster over the window. Not bulletproof, but a puzzler. It’s all misdirection, which only works if the misdirected are somewhere in between dumb and smart. Many of the best soldiers in the world have shit for brains and a photo of their target.
How did they find me anyway? Does Irish Mike have something specific, or just a list of known associates?
I puzzle on this, as eventually my mind sinks down into the black rings of sleep. Trust in Bono.
Thank God. Nearly there. Some rest finally.
Then, wouldn’t you know, a thought occurs to me. One of those notions that banishes sleep, like a stiff wind blowing away cobwebs.
Kee-rist almighty.
That’s what Delano said. Kee-rist. Not plain old Christ. Now where have I heard that recently? Yesterday. The day before.
And suddenly I’m bolt upright in my bed. That guy, with the Styrofoam hair. The licker, what was his name?
I have it even before I pull the card from my wallet.
Faber, the attorney. With all the rioting in the club that night, this guy Faber completely slipped my mind.
Delano repeats what she hears, and she heard Kee-rist. Faber was here, and he trashed my place.
I’m on my feet, pacing around the room, punching a fist into my palm, which I stop doing when I realise how drama queen it feels. There’s no sitting this out even if I wanted to. Faber knows where I lay my head and he’s obviously got backup. A runt like him didn’t do this damage on his own. That arsehole couldn’t even lift the microwave.
This is not about Zeb, this is about Connie. Faber killed her and he’s looking for me.
That’s it. It must be. Christ, surely nobody kills anybody over an arse-licking? I witnessed Faber’s beef with Connie and I broke it up. Could it be that straightforward?
Everyone wants to kill me lately; it’s enough to make a fellow paranoid. As Dr Moriarty often quipped, You know something, Dan. Just because everyone really is out to get you doesn’t mean you’re not insane. I always thought that sentence had a couple too many negatives.
Three hours later, I’m still awake, thinking. The old grey cells keep churning out the theories, which I hammer out with Ghost Zeb.
Faber killed Connie.
Possibly.
And you know this how?
Because a crazy lady used his pet phrase.
That is pretty fucking thin, as Riggs and Murtaugh have been known to say.
The world is built on thin. Ask George W.
So, assuming it was the guy Faber. Why?
Because Connie slapped him. Because he’s a psycho.
Pretty harsh revenge for a slap. And Faber did not seem like a weapons guy.
What about his help? You don’t know who’s carrying steel for him.
Good point.
Thank you.
So, we’re going to the