Plutus [17]
his dog, then yourself and his pig.
CARIO
And what's it all about?
HERMES
It's about this, rascal! Zeus wants to serve you all with the same
sauce and hurl the lot of you into the Barathrum.
CARIO (aside)
Have a care for your tongue, you bearer of ill tidings! (To
HERMES) But why does he want to treat us in that scurvy fashion?
HERMES
Because you have committed the most dreadful crime. Since Plutus
has recovered his sight, there is nothing for us other gods, neither
incense, nor laurels, nor cakes, nor victims, nor anything in the
world.
CARIO
And you will never be offered anything more; you governed us too
ill
HERMES
I care nothing at all about the other gods, but it's myself. I
tell you I am dying of hunger.
CARIO
That's reasoning like a wise fellow.
HERMES
Formerly, from earliest dawn, I was offered all sorts of good
things in the wine-shops,-wine-cakes, honey, dried figs, in short,
dishes worthy of Hermes. Now, I lie the livelong day on my back,
with my legs in the air, famishing.
CARIO
And quite right too, for you often had them punished who treated
you so well.
HERMES
Ah! the lovely cake they used to knead for me on the fourth of the
month!
CARIO
You recall it vainly; your regrets are useless!
HERMES
Ah! the ham I was wont to devour!
CARIO
Well then! make use of your legs and hop on one leg upon the
wine-skin, to while away the time.
HERMES
Oh! the grilled entrails I used to swallow down!
CARIO
Your own have got the colic, I think
HERMES
Oh! the delicious tipple, half-wine, half-water!
CARIO
Here, take this and be off. (He farts.)
HERMES (in tragic style)
Would you render service to the friend that loves you?
CARIO
Willingly, if I can.
HERMES
Give me some well-baked bread and a big hunk of the victims they
are sacrificing in your house.
CARIO
That would be stealing.
HERMES
Do you forget, then, how I used to take care he knew nothing about
it when you were stealing something from your master?
CARIO
Because I used to share it with you, you rogue; some cake or other
always came your way,
HERMES
Which afterwards you ate up all by yourself.
CARIO
But then you did not share the blows when I was caught.
HERMES
Forget past injuries, now you have taken Phyle. Ah! how I should
like to live with you! Take pity and receive me.
CARIO
You would leave the gods to stop here?
HERMES
One is much better off among you.
CARIO
What! you would desert Do you think that is honest?
HERMES
"Where I live well, there is my country."
CARIO
But how could we employ you here?
HERMES
Place me near the door; I am the watchman god and would shift of
the robbers.
CARIO
Shift off! Ah! but we have no love for shifts.
HERMES
Entrust me with business dealings.
CARIO
But we are rich; why should we keep a baggling Hermes?
HERMES
Let me intrigue for you.
CARIO
No, no, intrigues are forbidden; we believe in good faith.
HERMES
I will work for you as a guide.
CARIO
But the god sees clearly now, so we no longer want a guide.
HERMES
Well then, I will preside over the games. Ah! what can you
object to In that? Nothing is fitter for Plutus than to give scenic
and gymnastic games.
CARIO
How useful it is to have so many names Here you have found the
means of earning your bread. I don't wonder the jurymen so eagerly try
to get entered for many tribunals.
HERMES
So then, you admit me on these terms?
CARIO
Go and wash the entrails of the victims at the well, so that you
may show yourself serviceable at once.
(They both enter the house. A PRIEST of ZEUS comes hurrying in.)
CARIO
And what's it all about?
HERMES
It's about this, rascal! Zeus wants to serve you all with the same
sauce and hurl the lot of you into the Barathrum.
CARIO (aside)
Have a care for your tongue, you bearer of ill tidings! (To
HERMES) But why does he want to treat us in that scurvy fashion?
HERMES
Because you have committed the most dreadful crime. Since Plutus
has recovered his sight, there is nothing for us other gods, neither
incense, nor laurels, nor cakes, nor victims, nor anything in the
world.
CARIO
And you will never be offered anything more; you governed us too
ill
HERMES
I care nothing at all about the other gods, but it's myself. I
tell you I am dying of hunger.
CARIO
That's reasoning like a wise fellow.
HERMES
Formerly, from earliest dawn, I was offered all sorts of good
things in the wine-shops,-wine-cakes, honey, dried figs, in short,
dishes worthy of Hermes. Now, I lie the livelong day on my back,
with my legs in the air, famishing.
CARIO
And quite right too, for you often had them punished who treated
you so well.
HERMES
Ah! the lovely cake they used to knead for me on the fourth of the
month!
CARIO
You recall it vainly; your regrets are useless!
HERMES
Ah! the ham I was wont to devour!
CARIO
Well then! make use of your legs and hop on one leg upon the
wine-skin, to while away the time.
HERMES
Oh! the grilled entrails I used to swallow down!
CARIO
Your own have got the colic, I think
HERMES
Oh! the delicious tipple, half-wine, half-water!
CARIO
Here, take this and be off. (He farts.)
HERMES (in tragic style)
Would you render service to the friend that loves you?
CARIO
Willingly, if I can.
HERMES
Give me some well-baked bread and a big hunk of the victims they
are sacrificing in your house.
CARIO
That would be stealing.
HERMES
Do you forget, then, how I used to take care he knew nothing about
it when you were stealing something from your master?
CARIO
Because I used to share it with you, you rogue; some cake or other
always came your way,
HERMES
Which afterwards you ate up all by yourself.
CARIO
But then you did not share the blows when I was caught.
HERMES
Forget past injuries, now you have taken Phyle. Ah! how I should
like to live with you! Take pity and receive me.
CARIO
You would leave the gods to stop here?
HERMES
One is much better off among you.
CARIO
What! you would desert Do you think that is honest?
HERMES
"Where I live well, there is my country."
CARIO
But how could we employ you here?
HERMES
Place me near the door; I am the watchman god and would shift of
the robbers.
CARIO
Shift off! Ah! but we have no love for shifts.
HERMES
Entrust me with business dealings.
CARIO
But we are rich; why should we keep a baggling Hermes?
HERMES
Let me intrigue for you.
CARIO
No, no, intrigues are forbidden; we believe in good faith.
HERMES
I will work for you as a guide.
CARIO
But the god sees clearly now, so we no longer want a guide.
HERMES
Well then, I will preside over the games. Ah! what can you
object to In that? Nothing is fitter for Plutus than to give scenic
and gymnastic games.
CARIO
How useful it is to have so many names Here you have found the
means of earning your bread. I don't wonder the jurymen so eagerly try
to get entered for many tribunals.
HERMES
So then, you admit me on these terms?
CARIO
Go and wash the entrails of the victims at the well, so that you
may show yourself serviceable at once.
(They both enter the house. A PRIEST of ZEUS comes hurrying in.)