Plutus [6]
BLEPSIDEMUS
You have Plutus? Which one?
CHREMYLUS
The god himself.
BLEPSIDEMUS
And where is he?
CHREMYLUS
There.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Where?
CHREMYLUS
Indoors.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Indoors?
CHREMYLUS
Aye, certainly.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Get you gone! Plutus in your house?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, by the gods I
BLEPSIDEMUS
Are you telling the truth?
CHREMYLUS
I am.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Swear it by Hestia.
CHREMYLUS
I swear it by Posidon.
BLEPSIDEMUS
The god of the sea?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, and by all the other Posidons, such there be.
BLEPSIDEMUS
And you don't send him to us, to your friends?
CHREMYLUS
We've not got to that point yet.
BLEPSIDEMUS
What do you say? Is there no chance of sharing?
CHREMYLUS
Why, no. We must first.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Do what?
CHREMYLUS
...restore him his sight.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Restore whom his sight? Speak!
CHREMYLUS
Plutus. It must be done, no matter how.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Is he then really blind?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, undoubtedly.
BLEPSIDEMUS
I am no longer surprised he never came to me.
CHREMYLUS
If it please the gods, he'll come there now.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Must we not go and seek a physician?
CHREMYLUS
Seek physicians at Athens? Nay! there's no art where there's no
fee.
BLEPSIDEMUS (running his eyes over the audience)
Let's look carefully.
CHREMYLUS (after a thorough survey)
There is not one.
BLEPSIDEMUS
It's a positive fact; I don't know of one.
CHREMYLUS
But I have thought the matter well over, and the best thing is
to make Plutus lie in the Temple of Asclepius.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Unquestionably that's the very best thing. Hurry and lead him away
to the temple.
CHREMYLUS
I am going there.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Then hurry up.
CHREMYLUS
That's just what I am doing.
(They are just leaving when POVERTY comes running in;
she is a picture of squalor and the two men recoil in horror.)
POVERTY
Unwise, perverse, unholy men! What are you daring to do, you
pitiful, wretched mortals? Whither are you flying? Stop! I command it!
BLEPSIDEMUS
Oh! great gods!
POVERTY
My arm shall destroy you, you infamous beings! Such an attempt
is not to be borne; neither man nor god has ever dared the like. You
shall die!
CHREMYLUS
And who are you? Oh! what a ghastly pallor!
BLEPSIDEMUS
Perhaps it's some Erinys, some Fury, from the theatre; there's a
kind of wild tragic look in her eyes.
CHREMYLUS
But she has no torch.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Let's knock her down!
POVERTY
Who do you think I am?
CHREMYLUS
Some wine-shop keeper or egg-woman. Otherwise you would not have
shrieked so loud at us, who have done nothing to you.
POVERTY
Indeed? And have you not done me the most deadly injury by seeking
to banish me from every country?
CHREMYLUS
Why, have you not got the Barathrum left? But who are you?
Answer me quickly!
POVERTY
I am one that will punish you this very day for having wanted to
make me disappear from here.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Might it be the tavern-keeper in my neighbourhood, who is always
cheating me in measure?
POVERTY
I am Poverty, who have lived with you for so many years.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Oh! great Apollo! oh, ye gods! whither shall I fly?
(He starts to run away.)
CHREMYLUS
Here! what are you doing! You coward! Are going to leave me here?
BLEPSIDEMUS (still running)
Not I.
CHREMYLUS
Stop then! Are two men to run away from one woman?
BLEPSIDEMUS
But, you wretch, it's Poverty, the most fearful monster that
ever drew breath.
CHREMYLUS
You have Plutus? Which one?
CHREMYLUS
The god himself.
BLEPSIDEMUS
And where is he?
CHREMYLUS
There.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Where?
CHREMYLUS
Indoors.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Indoors?
CHREMYLUS
Aye, certainly.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Get you gone! Plutus in your house?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, by the gods I
BLEPSIDEMUS
Are you telling the truth?
CHREMYLUS
I am.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Swear it by Hestia.
CHREMYLUS
I swear it by Posidon.
BLEPSIDEMUS
The god of the sea?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, and by all the other Posidons, such there be.
BLEPSIDEMUS
And you don't send him to us, to your friends?
CHREMYLUS
We've not got to that point yet.
BLEPSIDEMUS
What do you say? Is there no chance of sharing?
CHREMYLUS
Why, no. We must first.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Do what?
CHREMYLUS
...restore him his sight.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Restore whom his sight? Speak!
CHREMYLUS
Plutus. It must be done, no matter how.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Is he then really blind?
CHREMYLUS
Yes, undoubtedly.
BLEPSIDEMUS
I am no longer surprised he never came to me.
CHREMYLUS
If it please the gods, he'll come there now.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Must we not go and seek a physician?
CHREMYLUS
Seek physicians at Athens? Nay! there's no art where there's no
fee.
BLEPSIDEMUS (running his eyes over the audience)
Let's look carefully.
CHREMYLUS (after a thorough survey)
There is not one.
BLEPSIDEMUS
It's a positive fact; I don't know of one.
CHREMYLUS
But I have thought the matter well over, and the best thing is
to make Plutus lie in the Temple of Asclepius.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Unquestionably that's the very best thing. Hurry and lead him away
to the temple.
CHREMYLUS
I am going there.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Then hurry up.
CHREMYLUS
That's just what I am doing.
(They are just leaving when POVERTY comes running in;
she is a picture of squalor and the two men recoil in horror.)
POVERTY
Unwise, perverse, unholy men! What are you daring to do, you
pitiful, wretched mortals? Whither are you flying? Stop! I command it!
BLEPSIDEMUS
Oh! great gods!
POVERTY
My arm shall destroy you, you infamous beings! Such an attempt
is not to be borne; neither man nor god has ever dared the like. You
shall die!
CHREMYLUS
And who are you? Oh! what a ghastly pallor!
BLEPSIDEMUS
Perhaps it's some Erinys, some Fury, from the theatre; there's a
kind of wild tragic look in her eyes.
CHREMYLUS
But she has no torch.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Let's knock her down!
POVERTY
Who do you think I am?
CHREMYLUS
Some wine-shop keeper or egg-woman. Otherwise you would not have
shrieked so loud at us, who have done nothing to you.
POVERTY
Indeed? And have you not done me the most deadly injury by seeking
to banish me from every country?
CHREMYLUS
Why, have you not got the Barathrum left? But who are you?
Answer me quickly!
POVERTY
I am one that will punish you this very day for having wanted to
make me disappear from here.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Might it be the tavern-keeper in my neighbourhood, who is always
cheating me in measure?
POVERTY
I am Poverty, who have lived with you for so many years.
BLEPSIDEMUS
Oh! great Apollo! oh, ye gods! whither shall I fly?
(He starts to run away.)
CHREMYLUS
Here! what are you doing! You coward! Are going to leave me here?
BLEPSIDEMUS (still running)
Not I.
CHREMYLUS
Stop then! Are two men to run away from one woman?
BLEPSIDEMUS
But, you wretch, it's Poverty, the most fearful monster that
ever drew breath.
CHREMYLUS