Prayers for Bobby - Leroy Aarons [73]
I almost forgot Cozette [a family dog]. She was so happy to see me. She barked and barked. Grandfather is busy as usual at his favorite fishing spot. If you saw it you would understand why he goes there so often.
I’m really glad you caught the golden thread that will keep us united in this time and place that really is not as far away as it may seem, nor as mysterious as others claim. For when you venture into your heart, I’m not as far away as you thought. Just remember, Mom, a part of me will always be there with you and a part of you always here with me. And when everything comes around full circle, we will all be together again as before…I promise. So please, stop worrying, Mom. I’m fine. I love you all and I understand. I really do.
It ended with one of Bobby’s signature phrases, “See you later.”
Reinvigorated, Mary went back to work for the first time since Bobby died, taking a job at a boutique in Walnut Creek. On the second Tuesday evening of each month, Betty Lambert or one of the family would drive her to the MCC church in Concord for the monthly meeting of the Diablo Valley chapter of P-FLAG. There, a small cluster of parents and youngsters exchanged tales of revelation, pain, and adjustment.
At the meetings there was always a table with a pile of pamphlets and a list of books in the growing literature aimed at parents of gays and their children. Curiously, she learned, one of the things many parents do once they discover they have a gay or lesbian child is to retreat to the closet. Even in cases where the youngster has overcome the shame and fear connected with being gay, some parents’ first instinct is to go into hiding.
Mary understood this, remembering how Bobby’s gayness had become a dark family secret. “I now can imagine,” she said at one meeting, “how humiliating it must have been for Bobby to have his social life talked about in whispers or just plainly discouraged, while that of his brother and sister were celebrated. We never welcomed his friends into our home. This only made what should have been normal dating seem illicit.”
Another frequent topic was the almost total absence of support services for gay youngsters in the schools. In fact, kids would tell horror stories of rejection by teachers and students, name-calling, and even violence. Mary wished there were a vehicle to bring pressure on the education system to acknowledge the presence and needs of gay and lesbian youngsters. She would soon find one.
The sharing of experiences at these meetings served to confirm the delicate process of acceptance for the parents. They were in various stages. Some were still in shock, desperately seeking information and reassurance. Others, much further along, seemed personally transformed by the act of accepting their children’s orientation. They expanded their social circles to include gay people, discovering with surprised delight how interesting and “ordinary” most of them were. Eventually, these parents became activists, marching in parades, lobbying and campaigning for gay rights.
In May, a progressive teacher invited the chapter to address his psychology classes at Ygnacio Valley High School. It was the first such opportunity in Contra Costa County schools, and the chapter jumped at it, sending a delegation that included Mary. Six P-FLAG members, gay and straight, lined up in chairs at the front of a classroom. Each told his or her story and then engaged in dialogue with four consecutive classes, most of whom were getting a bird’s-eye view of homosexuality for the first time.
Mary, speaking in characteristic flat tones, was nonetheless eloquent as she invoked the Pledge of Allegiance. “Many wars have been fought and lives sacrificed to protect and maintain individual freedom and the pursuit of happiness.