Prayers for Bobby - Leroy Aarons [77]
BANGLE came on the scene in late 1984, during a time of renewed gay activism growing out of the AIDS emergency. Within three years the organization had 250 members (albeit most of them closeted). Rob, then twenty-nine, got a job teaching art to high school students in Antioch, a small town in the northeast corner of Contra Costa County. He moved there with his partner, Andy Bowlds, a social worker, and in 1988 started a local chapter of BANGLE.
At the Concord dinner, Wilson and Birle had coffee together and caught up on things. “By the way,” Wilson asked, “have you met Mary Griffith?”
Rob, new to the area, said he had not. Wilson said, “You ought to meet her. She’s here. The woman is remarkable, and what she’s doing fits in perfectly with your agenda.” Hank filled Rob in briefly and then brought him over to meet Mary.
Rob and Mary chatted. He listened with growing interest as she recounted her tale of tragedy and transformation. He told her of his plans for BANGLE, his interest in educating school administrators throughout the county about gay concerns, with an eye toward having them include sexual orientation as a legitimate issue in classroom instruction and counseling. At the time the subject was virtually invisible throughout the generally conservative county school system. Rob hoped at least to help demystify gayness and make it seem less threatening.
Mary listened with similar interest. She sensed from the start of her public activism that she had to find a way to speak directly with teachers, administrators, and students. But she was not an organizational type; in fact, determined as she was, she could be quite scattered. This slender, handsome young man with dark hair and beard and penetrating eyes not only had good ideas but appeared to know how to execute them.
What Mary had, reckoned Rob, was an incredible and compelling story. He was impressed that in an extremely short time she had made the journey from committed religious homophobe to fervent gay rights advocate. He could imagine what an impact this motherly straight woman’s dramatic tale could have on a school superintendent.
They both appreciated the synergy of the moment. Their paths—and needs—had crossed at the right time and place. It was the beginning of a four-year working partnership that evolved into a mother-son friendship and helped propel Mary Griffith from local advocate to national figure.
Mary began attending BANGLE meetings every month, in addition to her P-FLAG meetings and other growing responsibilities. In fact by late 1988, upon the resignation of Jackie Costa, she had taken over as president of the Diablo P-FLAG chapter and moved the meetings from the MCC church in Concord to her Walnut Creek home. At fifty-three, she was gaining confidence. She became more vocal, speaking out, going to demonstrations and firing off letters to newspapers, such as a stern attack on “dishonest and deceitful” fundamentalists for opposing a self-esteem program for the county.
Rob Birle mapped a plan to visit nine school districts in Contra Costa County. It would be the first time anyone had approached these institutions with a mission specific to gay issues. Rob’s plans were buoyed by successive votes in July 1988 by the nation’s two largest teachers’ unions—the National Education Association and the American Federation of Teachers—supporting rights for gay and lesbian students. The NEA’s resolution read, in part: “Every school district should provide counseling for students who are struggling with their sexual/gender orientation.”
In late fall 1988, Mary and Rob began their road show as a joint BANGLE/P-FLAG project, traversing the county in a series of day trips over the next few months. Rob would pick her up in Walnut Creek and they’d take off, Mary carrying an ever-present cup of coffee and stopping periodically to feed her cigarette habit. They logged enough driving hours together to learn a lot about one another.
Rob was born in the mid-1950s to an itinerant textile salesman and his wife. They moved eighteen