Prime Time - Jane Fonda [95]
Can Sexual Pharmaceuticals Make
for a Good Sex Life?
These advances in penile enhancements and drugs may be great for many men and their partners, but Dr. Perelman, who views sexuality from a psychological as well as a physical viewpoint, says, “Restoring a man’s erectile capacity does not necessarily make for a good sex life for either the man or his partner because there is a whole range of psychosocial-behavioral-cultural issues that impact people’s sexuality. Both the men and their partners need to understand where these medications will make a difference and where they won’t.”
They won’t help mend marital conflicts. According to Dr. Perelman, the problem in about 10 percent of the cases he sees is that the woman is not receptive, and a pill won’t help the man become a more sensitive lover so that she will become receptive. The man may come home having popped a Viagra, eagerly looking forward to the joy of putting his erect penis to good use. “Hey, honey, I took this pill, let’s go!” But women are more contextual; they need foreplay (so do older men!), and this can create conflict.
So imagine, instead, this alternative positive scenario: The man calls ahead and says, “Sweetheart, I’ve been longing for you all day and I’m feeling like I should take the pill right now before I get home, but I want you to want it, too. What do you think about turning on some romantic music and lighting some candles so you’ll be in the mood when I get there?”
Or the man comes home and his wife is preparing dinner at the sink. He comes up behind her and begins to kiss and nibble her neck. “How about we move to the couch and make out a little,” he tells her. “I’m hungrier for you than for dinner right now.” When he sees that she is getting turned on, he asks, “Should I go get a pill? Would you like that?”
In these kinds of scenarios, the erection occurs within a mutual context of desire. Then, once this happens, the partner needs to let the man know what she likes him to do now that he has his erection—what positions, what speed, more foreplay, and so on. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen, why not celebrate and be grateful that your partner brought his erection home to you rather than to someone else! Perhaps thinking about that fact alone can be a turn-on.
The Mental Aspects of Arousal
Clearly there is a dynamic balance between mind and body, and it isn’t static. Dr. Perelman says, “Being turned on is mental and physical, and so is being turned off. Positive mental and physical factors increase the likelihood of a response, while negative mental and physical factors inhibit the sexual response.” Because women’s sexual response is generally more context-sensitive than men’s, a combination of medical and psychological treatments can be especially effective. And Jane Brody notes, “While a Viagra-like drug is not yet an option for women, use of the antidepressant bupropion (Wellbutrin at 300 milligrams a day) may improve sexual arousal and satisfaction in women who are not depressed.”1 However, numerous clinical trials are currently being conducted worldwide to identify compounds to assist women with their sexual response.
Dr. Bill Stayton, sex therapist and former executive director of the Center for Sexuality and Religion at Morehouse School of Medicine, pointed out to me that one of the biggest culprits in sexual dysfunction is being an observer of yourself. A man may wonder, he said, “ ‘Am I going to get it up? Is it going to stay up? Is it going to come too quickly? Am I not going to come at all?’ So, on his side, you’ve got two people in bed, you’ve got the guy thinking about it and you’ve got the guy trying to do it. And then you have another two people in bed on the other side when the partner begins to think, ‘Is it me? I mean, why isn’t it working? He took the pill, what happened? Maybe he’s really not turned on by me?’ So now