Protector - Laurel Dewey [36]
“So?”
“Kids. I’d be a father. The more she talked about it, the more scared I got.”
“I don’t understand.”
“If heart problems and strokes can be passed from one family member to another, maybe mental shit can too.”
Jane tried to process it all. “I don’t know—”
“What if it turns out I’m just like him?” Mike started to bang on his head with the flat of his hands. “I’ve got to get him out of my head!”
Jane pulled his hands away from his head. “You’re not making sense!”
“She wants me to be the father of her kids. I can’t do that! It’s just another goddamn thing I’m never gonna be!” Tears rolled down Mike’s cheeks. “Oh, Janie, you and me, we’re fucking damaged goods. I’d love to be a dad, you know? I think part of me could be real good with kids. But I’m scared that I’d snap one day for no reason and become him.”
“Mike, look at me. You will never be him. You understand me? Never!”
“Don’t you ever wonder if it’s like a curse in our blood?”
“Mike—”
“You’re lucky you can’t have kids. You don’t have to worry about shit like this.”
Jane stiffened. “Yeah, Mike,” Jane said quietly. “I’m real lucky.”
Mike’s eyes trailed off as a pensive look came over his face. “Every time I make a wish, you know what I wish for?”
“What?”
“Freedom,” Mike declared. “I want to be free, Janie.” Mike grabbed hold of Jane’s jacket sleeve and dissolved into a flood of raw emotion.
Jane called a cab for Mike and promised to phone him when she got home. She walked around block for half an hour, puffing nervously on cigarettes. It seemed to Jane that keeping the pieces of her life together was proving more and more difficult. “Freedom,” Jane thought, as Mike’s pronouncement rung in her head. “Good fucking luck,” she surmised. She was on her fifth cigarette by the time the sun sunk behind the tall buildings and she headed back up Milwaukee to her house. Jane was still lost in her own world when she neared her house. Suddenly, from behind her, a set of headlights from a parked car flicked on. Jane turned, blinded by the brightness. Instinctively, she opened her jacket and touched her pistol. A car door opened and closed.
“Jane.”
“Chris? Turn off your lights!”
Chris sauntered over to Jane and stood next to her, spotlighted in the glare. He looked weary, with dark circles under his eyes. “You’re home early.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ve dropped by here over the last week after work and you’re never here. Maybe if you’d ever have given me a fuckin’ key—”
“What do you want, Chris?”
“Oh, fuck, Jane. We’re not at DH. You can take off your balls.” Chris crossed over to the steps by Jane’s front lawn and sat down. He ran his fingers through his tangled blond hair. “Let’s not play this game. I don’t know what happened between us that made you so hateful to me. We’re not perfect, but we still have something going for us. At least I think so.” Jane lit a cigarette and said nothing. “Look,” Chris continued, “I’ve been pulling doubles ever since this Lawrence case. Weyler said I’m almost maxed on overtime. So, I was thinking. We got Memorial Day this weekend. How about you and me take off on Saturday and go up to Lake Dillon and christen my new boat.” Chris pulled a set of keys out of his shirt pocket and tossed them to Jane.
“Boat?” Jane said, unimpressed.
Chris leaned back on his elbows. “What can I say? Off-duty jobs pay good bank. Hey, I even treated myself to a pair of custom cowboy boots.” His ruddy face flushed with self-importance. “Custom boots, Jane. Wait’ll you see ’em, babe. They’re wild. Hey, maybe if you jumped on the off-duty honey wagon, you could afford to put some money into this place. Make it look like somebody important lives here.”
Jane tossed the keys back to Chris. “No, thanks. I couldn’t juggle all those important responsibilities.” There was a hard sting to her voice. “How are you keeping up with your many side jobs, Chris? Aren’t you overwhelmed with all that information Emily Lawrence is giving you and the other detectives? I saw you on the news tonight. Anybody with half a brain could see that you were lying through