Pulp - Charles Bukowski [91]
Damn, I was getting gloomy. I had another little hit of gin, then put the glass back to the wall. She must have just been coming out of the shower.
“Holy Christ,” he said, “you’re stacked like ten brick shithouses!”
“Ah, Billy, you really think so?”
“I just told ya, didn’t I?”
“You say the sweetest things, Billy.”
“I mean, looka the size of them breasts! You should fall forward flat on your face but I guess it’s your big ass holds you back from doing that.”
“Oh, I don’t have a big behind, Billy.”
“Baby, that’s no behind! That there thing is a dump truck full of jelly, jam and dumplings!”
“But, Billy, how about me? What about what’s inside of me?”
“Baby, can’t you see this thing throbbing and leaping around in front of me? I’ll be inside of you!”
“Billy, I think I’ve changed my mind…”
“Baby, you got nothing to change! Come here! Climb onto this Tower of Power!”
I pulled the glass from the wall, checked my camcorder, slipped out the door and moved over to the porch of #9. Their door lock was easy. Got it open with my Visa card.
I heard the springs begging for mercy in the bedroom. I switched the camcorder on and rushed in there. I got it. Billy was banging away like ten rabbits. Somehow, he noticed me. He rolled off and leaped to the floor. His mouth was hanging open. He was quite surprised and then he was quite pissed. Naturally.
He looked at me.
“Shit, what’s this. What the FUCK is this?”
Cindy was sitting up in bed.
“He’s a dick, Billy. He’s crazy. He busted in on me and Jack working out and started camcording us. He’s a real nut, Billy.”
I looked at her.
“You shut up, Cindy! This is it! I’ve finally nailed your ass!”
Billy moved toward me.
“Hey, buddy, you think I’m going to let you out of here alive?”
“Oh, hell yes, Billy boy, I’m not going to have any problem leaving, no problem at all.”
“Says who?”
“Says my friend here.”
I pulled the.32 out from my shoulder holster.
“That damned thing ain’t going to stop me.”
“Try me, jerk!”
He kept slowly moving toward me.
“I’ve killed 3 men, Billy boy. 4 won’t matter a twit!”
“Liar, liar,” he smiled, moving toward me, “your mother’s pants are on fire!”
“One more step, fart-head, and it’s over!”
He took the step. I fired.
He just stood there. Then he reached down into his belly button and pulled the bullet out. There wasn’t any blood, not even a bruise.
“Bullets mean nothing to me,” he said, “and neither do you.”
He took the gun out of my hand and tossed it into the corner of the bedroom.
“Now it’s just me and you,” he said.
“Look, friend, let’s talk this over. You can have the camcorder. I’m retiring from this business. You’ll never see me again.”
“I know I won’t because I’m going you kill you!”
“Yeah,” said Cindy from the bed, “kill the filthy creep!”
I looked over.
“You stay out of this, Cindy, this is between the gentleman and myself.”
I looked at Billy.
“Right, Billy?”
“Right,” he answered.
Then he picked me up and hurled me across the room. I hit the wall and dropped to the floor.
“Billy,” I said, “let’s not let a big ass that half this town has been into cause hard feelings between us!”
Billy laughed and moved toward me.
36
Then it came to me. This guy was one of the space aliens. That’s why he hadn’t felt the bullet.
I got up and backed against the wall.
“I got your number, Billy!” I yelled.
He stopped. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
“You’re a space alien!”
Cindy laughed. “I told you this guy was a nut!”
I looked at Cindy. “This guy is nothing but a snake-like thing with fur and one big eye. He’s hiding in what appears to be a human body, but it’s a mirage.”
Billy just stood there looking at me.
“Where’d you meet this guy, Cindy?” I asked.
“At a bar. But I don’t believe your shit. He’s no space alien.”
“Ask him.”
Cindy laughed again. “O.k., Billy, are you a space alien?”
“Huh?” he answered.
“You see, you see!” I told Cindy.
Billy looked at her. “You gonna believe this nut?”
“Of course not, Billy. Now, go ahead, finish him off!”
“O.k., baby