Quest for the Well of Souls - Jack L. Chalker [94]
They let it go. Suddenly Renard's head came up, and his eyes blazed. He stood up and walked back over to the still-unmoving Mavra.
"All right, Mavra Chang," he told her in that same hard tone he'd used before. "You've heard it all now. Make up your mind. The ship will cross the border this evening and be ready in another day or two. Do you want to be on it? Because, by damn, you'll go through Well processing as you should have twenty-two years ago unless you snap out of it! Make your choice! Make it now! What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?"
Something seemed to penetrate. Slowly her respiration increased, and life began to flow weakly back into her.
"Why did he do it, Renard? Tell me why?" she asked, totally bewildered.
The tone matched his own. "Huh? Why did who do what?"
"Why did Joshi jump in front of that pistol burst? It's insane. I can't understand it. I—I wouldn't deliberately sacrifice my life for anyone, Renard. Why would he?"
So that was it. He looked into her eyes. "Because he loved you, Mavra."
She shook her equine head. "How can anyone love anyone else that much? I just don't understand."
"I'm not sure I do, either," he told her. "I'm not sure any of us can understand that. Welcome back to the land of selfish hypocrites." He sighed and smiled.
She turned and faced the others. "You two—you are truly my grandparents? The stories—your tales of the Well World, Nathan Brazil. They were all real? The old memories were all real?"
Vistaru nodded. "And Nathan cared, even if we failed," she said. "Ortega received occasional communications from Brazil in tubes sent from Well Gates. They were meant for us, but, perhaps wisely, the snake-man kept them. He felt it was better if we didn't know who or what the other was, or what had happened to you and Vashy and the rest. He was a lousy parent and he botched the job of finding the right one, and he knew it. But he never lost sight of you, Mavra."
She looked at the Lata quizzically.
"It was Brazil who, when he was unsuccessful in warning Maki Chang on the smuggling setup, made sure they didn't find you. It was Brazil who got old Gimmy the beggar king to look out for you. It was Brazil who steered Gimball Nysongi to you—supposedly just to check on you, although it developed better. He took the heat off you when Nysongi was killed. And so on and so forth. It's all in the dispatches in Ortega's office."
She was stunned again. Renard sensed something wrong, went to her again. "What's wrong? I think it's wonderful—to have someone do that for you, year after year."
"It's horrible, grotesque!" she spat back. "Don't you see? It makes my whole life a lie. I didn't do everything on my own. I didn't do anything on my own! I was being helped by an immortal super-Markovian all the way!"
And he did understand, although the others could not. The only thing she had, the only thing that had kept her going, was her enormous self-confidence, her ego, her total belief in her ability to surmount any odds and overcome any obstacles. When ego and self-image are suddenly kicked away, there's very little left. In Mavra's case, only a tragic little girl, lonely and alone; an intelligent horse, but a dependent plaything.
"I understand," was all Renard could manage, softly, gently, somewhat sadly. "But you're on your own now, Mavra Chang. You've been on your own since you escaped from Glathriel."
She shook her head and turned away. It wasn't true. Joshi had put the final lie to it. Suddenly she hated him, hated him with a fury that defied reason.
For he'd given his life for her, the ultimate interference.
And now she was just Mavra Chang, a shell inside a shell, all alone, helpless, and dependent. In the dark, forever.
Bozog, the Launch Site Next Day
"Hey! I think I can see it!" Ben Yulin shouted over the suit radio. He was like a little boy, wildly excited and animated.
Less than two kilometers across the plain lay the border with Uchjin, where he'd crashed so many