Quiet Room - Lori Schiller [1]
— Oakland Press
“A message of courage.”
— Bethesda Gazette
“A dramatic and hopeful chronicle of the horrors of her disease and her escape from it.”
— Harvard Magazine
“Makes frighteningly real the terror of schizophrenia.”
— USA Today
“The story is remarkable.”
— Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel
“Outstandingly written … gripping … a journey that is totally engrossing.”
— Red Rock News (AZ)
“Provides a window into the lost world of those whose minds have betrayed them … contributes insight into the plight of those who inhabit a parallel universe.”
— Gannett Suburban Newspapers
“It's for everyone who wants to know what it's like to have schizophrenia. It's for everyone who can cheer for the parents who never missed a hospital visit, the mental health professionals who never stopped caring, and most of all, the bright and courageous woman who has the guts to tell her story in the hope that even one of the more than 2 million Americans suffering from schizophrenia will benefit.”
— San Diego Union-Tribune
For my
Mom and Dad …
Who never gave up hope.
I thank you …
I admire you …
and I love you.
Author's Note and Acknowledgments
Although this is my life story, I have chosen to tell it not only in my own voice, but also in the voices of others whose lives are interwoven with mine.
The others who speak in this book, from my college roommate, Lori Winters, to my psychiatrist, Dr. Jane Doller, to my parents and two brothers, are among the many people besides me who were affected by my illness. In telling my story, I tried to do the best job I could to show what the experience of schizophrenia is like for the person who is in its grip; in letting the others tell their stories, I want to show what the experience is like for friends and family.
In many ways too these people serve as my memory. My illness and, I believe, some of the treatments I went through have wiped out big chunks of my recollections of some periods of my life. I have turned the telling of those periods over to people whose memories are clearer than mine.
As I get better, my ability to remember accurately and to distinguish fact from fantasy improves. In writing this book Amanda Bennett and I have done the best job we could to make sure that we rendered events as accurately as possible. All the people, places and events in this book are real, and are portrayed exactly as I recall them. With a few minor exceptions all names in the book are real too. Because of their deep involvement with cocaine, however, I have changed the names and other identifying details of Raymond and Nicole. I also changed the names and descriptions of Robin, Carla and Claire to protect their privacy as fellow psychiatric patients.
In the interests of accuracy, we tried to interview as many people involved with my life, my illness and my treatment as possible. We tried to take their perspectives into account in the telling of this book. Ultimately, however, the final viewpoint is mine.
The only place where my memory still conflicts in any substantial way with external evidence is in my recollections of the events at Lincoln Farm, in the early months of my illness. Chapter 1, therefore, was written from a combination of my best possible recollection of those events; records from Lincoln Farm; and the memories of several fellow camp counselors, my parents and friends of the family. We would like to thank fellow counselor Jackie Pashkes for her special help in enabling us to unearth camp records; Mrs. Beatrice Loren, owner of the former Lincoln Farm, for making them available to us; and Amy Potozkin, another fellow counselor who shared her memories.
A number of people helped us fill in my recollections of the years before my hospitalizations. These include: Lori Winters Samuels, Michele Crames, Dr. Richard Dolins, Janey and Louis Klein, Dr. Philip Moscowitz, Bonnie Smith, Barbara A. Kobre, Tara Sonenshine Friend and Bradford A. Winters. I would especially like to thank Gail Kobre Lazarus for her help and for her friendship, then and now.
Amanda