Quinn - Iris Johansen [58]
He could feel the pain in every word, it reverberated within him. He desperately wanted to take it away, but there was no way to do it. All he could do was give her his warmth. His arms tightened around her. “Do you want to talk about her?”
“Not now. All I can think about is Fraser and what he said about her. It hurts, Joe. I can’t tell you how it hurts. It keeps twisting inside me. I want it to go away.”
He couldn’t even tell her the pain would get less. The loss of a child was eternal. “I’ll be here to share it with you. Always.”
“No … not fair. No one should … Go away, Joe. Not fair.”
“It’s fair, if I say it’s fair.” He was stroking her hair. “What’s a friend for?” And what’s a lover, a guardian, a warrior to protect you, for? I have to be all things to you, Eve. Something crazy happened, and my whole world changed when you came into my life. “So be quiet and just let me hold you.”
“I want it to go away. I don’t think I can stand…”
That was one of the things he’d feared when he’d known what Eve was going to have to face. “You can stand anything. You’re tough.” His hand was gentle on her hair. “Give it time. The state’s going to kill that bastard, then some of the—”
“They can’t kill him. I have to know where he buried Bonnie. I can’t let them do it.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“He said to come back, and he might tell me.”
“And put you through this torture again? No way.”
“I can take it. I have to take it.”
“I said you were tough. I didn’t say you were invincible.”
“I’ll find a way to block it out. I have to make him tell me.”
“Eve…”
“You’ve never had a child, Joe. You don’t know how important it is for me to bring her home. I can’t leave her out there alone. Every night of her life, I tucked her into her bed, sang to her and kissed her good night. She was safe, she was home, she knew she was surrounded by love. Now I have to tuck her in one final time. I have to surround her with my love. I think wherever she is that she’ll know it.” Her voice was hoarse. “I have to … bring her home.”
Oh, God in heaven. What could he say? What could he do?
“We don’t have a weapon to use against Fraser, Eve. He knows he’s going to be convicted of one of those killings. It’s just a choice which case the state is going to choose to prosecute. But the bastard has a weapon he can use to hurt you, and he’ll do it.”
“I have to try. It’s not only Bonnie. It’s all those other lost children, too. If I go there often enough, he may get cocky and let something slip. I have to try.”
He couldn’t make the attempt to talk her out of it. Not right now.
She lay there silent for a long time. “Your cheek is damp, Joe. I feel it.” She reached up and touched his lashes. “Are you crying for my Bonnie?”
“Yes, and for you.” He cleared his throat. “It wouldn’t hurt you to do a little crying yourself. It might help.”
“I can’t cry. I can feel all the tears in a tight little ball deep inside me, but they won’t come out. Maybe later … After I’ve brought Bonnie home.”
“Then I’ll cry for you.”
“Will you do that?” She cuddled closer to him, her cheek in the hollow of his shoulder. “You’re so good to me. Maybe Bonnie will know that, too. She was so special, so full of love. I wish she’d known you, Joe…”
For an instant, he could almost see how different their lives would have been if tragedy had not entered it. An Eve vital and smiling, the child, Bonnie, who would love Joe as well as her mother. The image was bittersweet, but he would not push it away. That was neither their life nor their future, but he would work with what he had. He’d drain every bit of joy and happiness around them that he could to make it a good life, create a shelter and a haven for them.
His lips gently brushed her forehead. “I wish I’d known your Bonnie, too, Eve.