Quinn - Iris Johansen [84]
“She told you that Bonnie—”
“Ask her.” He took another sip of coffee. “Or not. She might not want to discuss it with you. It’s difficult to admit to believing in spirits when the world around you is so pragmatic.” He lifted his cup in a half toast. “Like you, Catherine.”
“I’ve had to be pragmatic. I wouldn’t have lived to get out of my teens if I hadn’t been practical and rejected things that go bump in the night.”
“Bonnie doesn’t go bump in the night. She smiles. She lifts the heart.”
“And won’t let you kill yourself.” She shook her head. “Can’t you see how weird that sounds, dammit? If you killed her, wouldn’t she want you to throw yourself headfirst into a volcano? It’s what any sensible ghost would want.” She lifted her hand and rubbed her forehead. “What am I saying? I’m actually going along with you on this.”
“I thought of that,” he said quietly. “Maybe Bonnie wants it to be Quinn and Eve who end it. They’ve been searching for so long…” He added wearily, “I don’t know. I just want it over. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t know how I could love her so much and still take her life. If I could do that, I don’t deserve to live one more hour, one more minute.”
“If you killed Eve’s daughter, I couldn’t agree more.” She finished her coffee and threw the last drops into the flames. “And I’d be glad to help you along if you could tell me where you buried Bonnie. How can you be so sure that you killed her and not know anything else? Because that slimeball said it was true? I don’t understand why both you and Eve believed him.”
“If you’d been there, you’d understand. Black believed every word he was saying,” he said hoarsely. “I’d swear it.”
She gazed at him in frustration. So much pain. So much bewilderment. She couldn’t imagine the insecurity that the blackouts had given him. How would it feel to come around and not know what violence you’d committed? He had been an Army Ranger and violence had been inherent in the job and the opportunity was always present. In every other way he was such a confident, complete person, and yet this crack was going to widen until it destroyed him.
But both he and Eve believed Black had been telling the truth. As Gallo had said, Catherine hadn’t been there. She could not judge.
But why was it bothering her so much?
Because she didn’t want it to be true? Because even at this moment, she was feeling drawn to him and was looking for an excuse to take off her clothes and go to him and—
She wouldn’t accept that reason. She wasn’t a mindless animal in heat.
Though, God knows, she felt like one right now. Hot and aching and ready. Why couldn’t she have picked someone with no baggage before she let herself fall into this trap? But there had been no picking and choosing. It had been Gallo since that first moment of the hunt. She didn’t know where it was going to take her, but she had to accept that she had to deal with it.
Was this how Eve had felt all those years ago when Gallo had come into her life? Strange that both Eve and Catherine had fallen under Gallo’s spell. But Eve had been little more than a child herself, while Catherine was a woman and should have had more control.
Control. Look away from him. Don’t ask him any other questions because you want the answers to lead you where you want to go.
He looked back at her and nodded slowly. “It’s becoming difficult for you, isn’t it? I think you’d like to believe I didn’t kill her. It would be easier if I’d tell you that Black was lying. I can’t do that.” He got to his feet. “You’ve probably had enough of me. I’ll walk over to the creek and give you some space to make your call to Eve.”
“Don’t you want to know what I say to her?”
He shook his head. “None of it matters any longer. As I said, anything you do will only make the game more interesting.”
And he’d already decided what the end of the game had