Quinn - Iris Johansen [99]
“It’s nearly ten. He won’t be asleep?”
“He’s a night owl. I don’t try to force him into a neat little cubbyhole. He lived a rough life while he was away from me. I’m just grateful he’s doing as well as he is.” She was dialing as she spoke. “And that he lets me stay in his life.”
“Would you like me to give you a little privacy?”
“Why? I’m not ashamed of our relationship. It is what it is. We’re working our way through it.” She spoke into the phone as Luke picked up. “Hi, how are you doing? Are you reading?”
“No, I was having Kelly teach me about how she does her patterns.” He paused. “I don’t understand it. I don’t think I’m dumb, but she sees things that I don’t see.”
“You’re not alone. Kelly is extraordinary. Her professors say that she’s another Einstein. She can start at the beginning of a theory or puzzle and forecast exactly where it’s going to go.”
“I know all that.” Luke’s voice was slow, thoughtful. “But she says that if I go back and tell her all about the years that I was away from you, she’ll draft a pattern that will help me see things clearly.” He added haltingly, “And if I understand it, then I’ll be able to forget it.”
Catherine had known that Kelly was going to try to help Luke in that way. It was the next best thing to psychological therapy, and Catherine would be eternally grateful if it worked. “Maybe not forget it, but it may help you to let it go. Sometimes, bad things help you to grow, and you wouldn’t want to give up the growth. That would mean you’d gone through it for nothing. I don’t think Kelly would want you to do that. She’s gone through some rough times herself.”
“She told me her father was murdered. She saw it.”
“And she’s trying to learn from it. So maybe she’s the right person to talk to you about all of this.” She paused. “Unless you want to talk to me. You know I’m here for you, Luke.”
“I know.”
But he still couldn’t talk to her, she thought in pain. No matter how much she loved him, she was part of the problem. She cleared her throat and changed the subject. “How are your studies going?”
“Okay. I finished Midsummer Night’s Dream . But I didn’t care much for it. I’ve started Julius Caesar, and I understand that better.”
“Yes, I can see you appreciating Julius Caesar. ” Ambition and murder and revenge. Luke would comprehend all of those nuances of character from his own experience. “ Midsummer Night’s Dream would have a little too much whimsy for you.”
“Maybe I’ll go back to it later and read it again if you want me to.”
“I don’t want you to read it to please me. It doesn’t matter.”
“I … want to … please you.”
“That’s good, I want to please you, too. But let’s work on kindness and understanding instead of trying to shape each other’s tastes.”
“Okay.” Another pause. “Are you … well?”
“I’m fine. I should be able to get home soon.”
“I’d like … I know Kelly wants to see you.” He added, “Do you want to talk to her, should I go get her?”
“No, don’t bother her. Tell her I can’t wait to see her and give her my best. I’ll let you go now. I just wanted to check in and make sure you were all happy. I love you. Good-bye, Luke.”
“Good-bye.” He hesitated. “I want you to be happy, too, Catherine.” He hung up.
Someday, he would say he loved her. Someday it would happen.
“You said you were working your way through it,” Gallo said quietly. “It appears that sometimes it’s straight uphill.”
“You think that I mind that?” She swallowed hard to rid herself of the tightness of her throat. “We’re doing fine. Do you know what he went through? Every day that Luke was held by that son of a bitch, Rakovac, he was told that I was to blame. Every time he was whipped or thrown into a solitary cell, it was all my fault. It’s a miracle that he managed to realize that I wasn’t to blame. But there have to be residual effects from all that brainwashing. He can’t trust me even if he wants to.”
“What a bastard,” Gallo said grimly. “He’s dead, I assume?”
“Yes,” she said. “Slow and painful.”
“Good, then I won’t have to offer to do it for you.” He was studying her face. “You had to deal with finding