Reaction - Lesley Choyce [14]
It was almost midnight when I called Kiley. She had been sleeping, but she listened to me and she had some kind words for me. I eventually let her go and then fell into a fitful sleep.
In the morning, I got another reminder from my parents about leaving Ashley alone. “We don’t want this legal thing to get any worse. Zach, you just have to back off. That’s all you can do.”
And that’s what I did. I backed off.
I didn’t get on the bus at the corner. The weather was a bit cooler, and it looked like rain, but I walked for ten blocks and then put out my thumb. Hitchhiking out of town was much more difficult this time. I did a lot of walking by the side of the highway, and the fact that so many drivers ignored me made me feel more and more like crap. Finally, a guy in an old beat-up Toyota stopped and picked me up and talked the whole time about what a rotten life he had. But he gave me a long drive to the exit I wanted, and then I walked the rest of the way to the river I’d been to before. I felt confused and tired as I sat down. I had never felt more alone in my life. But at least I was alone. I didn’t have anyone there telling me what to do or think. I thought about Ashley, and now I didn’t know if it was worth it. It would always be like this. Her parents would be there telling her what she should do. And no matter how hard I would try, they’d always, always resent me. They’d want me out of the picture.
Ashley and I had said we “loved” each other. But now I was even less certain that I knew what love was. I was even more confused by the way I was feeling when I was around Kiley. Kiley seemed so much more mature than Ashley.
I remembered the day I’d been here before and was reminded of that other option: running away. Just splitting and leaving it all behind. It seemed so sweet. But again, I couldn’t do it to my parents.
I tried to focus on the baby that Ashley would have: what that would be like and what I would be like as a father. But I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t bring that picture into focus in my head.
And then it started to rain. I tucked in beneath a rock outcropping on the hill above the falls and watched the rain coming down. I was cold and damp and alone. After about two hours, I felt like I was going crazy. I had this big temptation to call Kiley. But I didn’t. I checked my watch and waited until I knew Ashley would be between classes. No one was supposed to have their cell phone on at school, but almost everyone did. I blocked my number and phoned Ashley.
She picked up.
As I looked out at the rainy dismal world around me, I said, “Please don’t hang up.”
She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t hang up.
“I just want to know if you still care about me.”
“I do, Zach. It’s just that now everything is so impossible.”
“You know I didn’t mean to hurt your brother.”
“I know that. But it’s just not going to work between us. My parents are right. I just have to admit it. You have to admit it.”
“I know it’s bad, but did they have to get the police involved?”
“What?” She sounded genuinely surprised.
“You didn’t know?”
“Know what?”
“About the restraining order. I’m not allowed to even see you or speak with you. I can be in big trouble just for talking to you on the phone like this.”
“That’s crazy. My parents did this?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid so.”
Then there was silence. I was aware of the sound of the falling rain and the waterfall. I guess Ashley heard it too.
“Zach, where are you?”
“I just had to get away. I hitchhiked to this place up in the mountains. I couldn’t handle going to school.”
“Are you all right?”
“I think so. Everything is just so insane.”
“We need to talk,” she said. “Some place where no one will see us.”
“I’ll hitch back to town. If I leave now I might get back by the time school is out. Meet me in the bookstore over on South Park Street, the one with the coffee shop. I think it’s called Off the Page. Do you know where that is?”
“Okay, I’ll be there.”
The rain let up, but I had a long walk before I caught my first ride. It took me longer than