Ready Player One - Ernest Cline [87]
Art3mis: So what do you imagine I look like, then?
Parzival: Like your avatar, I suppose. Except, you know, without the armor, guns, or glowing sword.
Art3mis: You’re kidding, right? That’s the first rule of online romances, pal. No one ever looks anything like their avatar.
Parzival: Are we going to have an online romance? Art3mis: No way, ace. Sorry. Parzival: Why not? Art3mis: No time for love, Dr. Jones. My cyber-porn addiction eats up most of my free time. And searching for the Jade Key takes up the rest. That’s what I should be doing right now, in fact. Parzival: Yeah. So should I. But talking to you is more fun. Art3mis: How about you? Parzival: How about me what? Art3mis: Do you have time for an online romance? Parzival: I’ve got time for you. Art3mis: You’re too much. Parzival: I’m not even laying it on thick yet. Art3mis: Do you have a job? Or are you still in high school? Parzival: High school. I graduate next week. Art3mis: You shouldn’t reveal stuff like that! I could be a Sixer spy trying to profile you. Parzival: The Sixers already profiled me, remember? They blew up my house. Well, it was a trailer. But they blew it up. Art3mis: I know. I’m still freaked out about that. I can only imagine how you feel. Parzival: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Art3mis: Bon appetit. What do you do when you’re not hunting? Parzival: I refuse to answer any more questions until you start reciprocating. Art3mis: Fine. Quid pro quo, Dr. Lecter. We’ll take turns asking questions. Go ahead. Parzival: Do you work, or go to school? Art3mis: College. Parzival: Studying what? Art3mis: It’s my turn. What do you do when you’re not hunting? Parzival: Nothing. Hunting is all I do. I’m hunting right now, in fact. Multitasking all over the goddamn place. Art3mis: Same here. Parzival: Really? I’ll keep an eye on the Scoreboard then. Just in case. Art3mis: You do that, ace. Parzival: What are you studying? In college? Art3mis: Poetry and Creative Writing. Parzival: That makes sense. You’re a fantastic writer. Art3mis: Thanks for the compliment. How old are you? Parzival: Just turned 18 last month. You? Art3mis: Don’t you think we’re getting a little too personal now? Parzival: Not even remotely. Art3mis: 19. Parzival: Ah. An older woman. Hot. Art3mis: That is, if I am a woman … Parzival: Are you a woman? Art3mis: It’s not your turn. Parzival: Fine. Art3mis: How well do you know Aech? Parzival: He’s been my best friend for five years. Now, spill it. Are you a woman? And by that I mean are you a human female who has never had a sex-change operation? Art3mis: That’s pretty specific. Parzival: Answer the question, Claire. Art3mis: I am, and always have been, a human female. Have you ever met Aech IRL? Parzival: No. Do you have any siblings? Art3mis: No. You? Parzival: Nope. You got parents? Art3mis: They died. The flu. So I was raised by my grandparents. You got parentage? Parzival: No. Mine are dead too. Art3mis: It kinda sucks, doesn’t it? Not having your parents around. Parzival: Yeah. But a lot of people are worse off than me. Art3mis: I tell myself that all the time. So … are you and Aech working as a duo? Parzival: Oh, here we go.… Art3mis: Well? Are you? Parzival: No. He asked me the same thing about you and me, you know. Because you cleared the First Gate a few hours after I did. Art3mis: Which reminds me—why did you give me that tip? About changing sides on the Joust game? Parzival: I felt like helping you. Art3mis: Well, you shouldn’t make that mistake again. Because I’m the one who’s going to win. You do realize that, right? Parzival: Yeah, yeah. We’ll see. Art3mis: You’re not holding up your end of our Q & A, goof. You’re, like, five questions behind. Parzival: Fine. What color is your hair? IRL? Art3mis: Brunette. Parzival: Eyes? Art3mis: Blue. Parzival: Just like your avatar, eh? Do you have the same face and body, too? Art3mis: As far as you know. Parzival: OK. What’s your favorite movie? Of all time? Art3mis: It changes.