Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [103]
Determining which laws continue from the old covenant to the new covenant is admittedly difficult. One helpful distinction that can be traced back to the church father Tertullian (AD 160–222) is spoken of by Martin Luther (1483–1546) and is found in the Westminster Confession of Faith (1646).
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1. Ceremonial laws—referring to the priesthood, sacrifices, temple, cleanness, and so forth, are now fulfilled in Jesus. These laws are no longer binding on us because Jesus is our priest, temple, sacrifice, cleanser, and so forth.
2. Civil laws—referring to those pertaining to the governing of Israel as a nation ruled by God. Since we are no longer a theocracy, we believe these laws, while insightful, are not directly binding on us. Romans 13:1–7 says to obey even non-Christian governments because God will work through them too.
3. Moral laws—forbidding such things as rape, stealing, and murder. These laws are still binding upon us, even though Jesus fulfilled their requirements through His sinless life.
In summary, categories 1 and 2 are no longer binding. But category 3 is. Sex with one’s wife during her menstrual cycle is a ceremonial law that fits in category 1. Therefore, it is no longer binding. This means it is not a sin and it is permissible for a man to have sexual intercourse with his wife during her menstrual cycle. This also permits us to engage in other aspects of the old covenant law that are fulfilled, not continued in the new covenant, and therefore no longer binding now that Jesus Christ has fulfilled the law for us.
Question 2: Is it helpful?
There are many reasons why menstrual sex may be beneficial. For couples who enjoy frequent sex, it allows them to do so without taking a break each month. Some women report increased pleasure from menstrual sex because their bodies have increased sensitivity. And because of the hormonal changes that accompany menstruation, some women report being more passionate during this time than normal.
There are also reasons why this may not be beneficial. Some women report increased pain and sensitivity that causes discomfort during their cycle, which means that abstaining for a few days or finding a sexual alternative they are comfortable with may be best. And for a husband, he may simply be turned off by this very natural but messy time of the month for his wife.
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Question 3: Is it enslaving?
Because it is an occasional act, it is difficult to imagine this act becoming addictive. So long as both the husband and wife are okay with it, then there is little to worry about.
Role-Playing
Role-playing is when one or both spouses assume roles to act out in character as part of their flirtation and lovemaking. For some couples, this includes not only essentially functioning like an actor or actress playing a role, but also dressing up to heighten the sense of fantasy.
Question 1: Is it lawful?
Since the Bible does not speak directly to this issue, it is technically lawful, as neither biblical nor governmental law forbids it.
Question 2: Is it helpful?
There are some reasons role-playing could be helpful to some, though not all, couples. Some couples with good imaginations find it fun. For example, a couple we know has a background in theater, and this is the kind of thing they find mutually fun. If one or both spouses are shy but want to be adventurous, this kind of fun play can help. With the desire to stay faithful to each other for the entirety of their lives, admittedly things can get sexually predictable, and this kind of play can keep things interesting for a couple.
Role-playing can also be an unhelpful part of married sex. If either or both of you are fantasizing about anyone else during role-playing, then you are committing the sin of lust. This includes having your spouse dress up like someone else.