Real Marriage_ The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together - Mark Driscoll [130]
6. How well do you make decisions together? How could you improve this area of your marriage?
7. What has been most difficult about marriage? Why? How could your spouse help you?
8. What are five reasons you married your spouse?
9. Are there any areas of concerns you have about him or her? (Some areas of concern might be lack of common interests, frequent arguments, or anger concerns.)
10. Has he or she ever pushed you, grabbed you, yelled at you, threatened you, or demonstrated other abusive behaviors?
11. Have you discussed having children? How many? When? Will she work after you have children?
12. What attracted you to each other?
13. What are some of the favorite things you’ve done together?
Other Personal Questions
1. Have you ever been arrested for a crime? When?
2. Have you ever used any drugs? When was the last time?
3. Have you ever used alcohol to excess? Explain.
4. Have you ever experienced any compulsions or addictions (food, drugs, alcohol)?
5. Is there any history of chemical dependency or addiction in your family?
6. Have you ever experienced abuse (sexual, mental, emotional, physical)? Explain.
7. Have you experienced an eating disorder?
8. How is your current physical and mental health?
9. Have you ever been clinically diagnosed with a mental illness, including dissociative, depressed, borderline, bipolar I or II, panic or anxiety disorder?
10. Is there any history of mental illness in your family?
11. Have you received professional counseling (psychologist, psychiatrist) or lay counseling through a church? When and for what reasons?
12. Have you ever experienced problems with anger? Describe.
13. Have you ever attempted suicide or do you have suicidal thoughts? Explain.
Sexual History (Please explain your answers.)
1. What is your complete sexual history in addition to your spouse?
2. Women: Have you been pregnant before? Do you have any children from a previous relationship?
3. Men: Have you gotten anyone pregnant before? Do you have any children from a previous relationship?
4. Have you ever been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease?
5. If you have been sexually active in the past, have you been tested for STDs?
6. Is there any history of violence or sexual abuse in your past or current relationship?
7. Have you had any sexual contact with anyone else during your current relationship?
8. Have you ever experienced a same-sex attraction?
9. What is your experience with pornography? Explain: when, for how long, and the last time you viewed it.
10. Are you currently using pornography at all? Explain.
11. Have you experienced ongoing guilt and shame from past sexual sins?
12. Have you been completely honest in answering these questions? Are you withholding anything or keeping something secret? It might seem too hard to tell this information, but lying to your spouse only delays the pain and keeps sin between you, causing division.
Appendix II
DATE NIGHT TIPS
Date Night Tip 1
Parents, if you cannot afford a sitter, is there a way to set up a rotation with other families to take turns each week watching kids for date night? If you have four families, you can get a date night three times a month.
Date Night Tip 2
Husbands, when is your date night? Your wife needs it. You do too. We’ve enjoyed Friday date nights for about twenty years.
Date Night Tip 3
Husbands, don’t waste every date night at a movie where you can’t talk. Use the time to visit with your wife, draw her out, and study her as you do the Bible.
Date Night Tip 4
Plan out your date nights. Ask your spouse in advance what sounds good, ask their options, make a plan, and they’ll be thankful.
Date Night Tip 5
Avoid date night killers: having no plan, selfishness, laziness, letting technology keep interrupting, and doing the same old predictable thing.
Date Night Tip 6
Time with other couples now and then is okay, but if most date nights involve other people, there is likely an intimacy disconnect in