Realm of Light - Deborah Chester [29]
“Gold cannot be tainted,” she retorted.
“Are you sure?”
Their eyes met, but hers fell first. “You said we would escape this place. I trusted you, but you ...”
Her gaze flashed up to his again, then shifted away. “What are you?” she whispered.
He reached out to her, but she flinched away. He saw her fear then, clawing in her eyes, barely restrained.
Bitterness surged up inside him. The sweet memory of their brief joining was fading now. He should have prepared her more, should have tried to explain before he swept her away. Yet what good were explanations?
“Some men call me donare,” he said, ashamed.
She blinked.
“Others say I am casna, a devil,” he continued. “What do you say, Majesty?”
“Your powers,” she said unsteadily. “They are—”
His emotions overpowered him. Not letting her finish, he knelt and laid both his sword and dagger on the ground between them. The metal blades looked pale and shadowy in the dim light.
“Caelan,” she said in alarm.
“I cannot do this,” he said in anguish. “I am not your Majesty’s servant. I am not your protector. I am not your friend. There are no explanations. Do not command them.”
She stood there, very still, as though startled. Silence fell across them like a heavy cloak. Inside, he could feel his own pulse hammering away. He was wrong to do this. He knew it. But they had joined in sevaisin, and still she refused to understand. She was lying to herself as much as to him. He could not accept that. He was afire, and it was consuming his judgment.
“Please,” she said, stepping carefully over the weapons to approach him.
He bowed his head to her, not in obeisance, but because he couldn’t trust himself to look at her.
Her right hand very lightly touched his head. “I am sorry,” she said softly. “What you did was ... it was not permitted. I know you seek only my safety, but I have seen you exercise the powers of a sorcerer. I have seen you punish Lord Sien. I have seen you walk surrounded in Choven fire, slaying demons. I have seen you worshiped by Legion, horrible creatures under your command. You see the truth of this dreadful place. You walk through it as though you know it well.”
She withdrew her hand. “You have shocked me. I do not think I can accept what you are, what you do. I—I am confused. My faith did not prepare me for such a moral quandary. You have dared cast a spell over me. I—”
“What about this kind of spell?” he asked hoarsely.
Seizing her hand, he pulled her down into his arms and kissed her hard and hungrily. She struggled in his hold at first, stiff with resistance, then she uttered a soft moan and melted against him. Her soft lips opened to his. Flames roared in his ears; he seemed to hear the ringing of a bronze bell from far away.
Then she was clinging to his cloak with both fists, huddled against his breastplate, while they both gasped for breath. He loosened his hold on her marginally, afraid he might hurt her, yet his heart was thudding with triumph. He wanted to shout in his joy.
“I love you,” he whispered, bending to kiss her again.
She pulled her lips away from his with a muffled cry. “Don’t say it!”
“Why not? It is the truth.” He brushed back her hair tenderly from her face. “You are perfect. Beautiful. I have wanted to hold you in my arms since the first day I saw you in Agel’s workroom.”
She was trembling in his arms. “Please,” she said breathlessly. “Please, Caelan—”
“What?” he asked, laughing softly as he nuzzled her cheek and nibbled at the corner of her mouth. Her skin was velvet soft. Her hair smelled of myrrh, ashes, and lavender. He wanted to pick her up and run with lier. He wanted to laugh with her in the sunshine. He wanted to kiss her until she lay soft and pliable beneath him, radiant with love.
“Caelan,” she said against his lips. She pushed against his embrace, and he released her reluctantly. “Stop. I am dizzy.”
“Dizzy with love?” he suggested. “Are you afraid of it?”
“Yes,” she said. Her voice shook.
His joy crashed around him. Concerned, he sat back on his haunches,