Realm of Light - Deborah Chester [51]
Wrapping up in his cloak against the terrible cold, he stood shivering against the embankment, risking attack from the wind spirits, letting the harsh sleet rasp his face. Now and then when the wind lulled momentarily, he could hear a note or two of Lea’s singing. He wished she could sing such a song over him and wipe away his past, but he knew that was not possible. For Caelan could feel his future all the way to his bones. He thought of that moment when he had been linked together with Kostimon in Choven fire against the shyrieas; he thought of the various swords he had held and how some of them sang to him of battle and how others whispered combat secrets that no man knew to teach him. He had been made for war. Every muscle and sinew in his strong body had been forged for combat. He would fight again, and he would kill again. That he knew.
And therefore, Lea’s song of healing was not for him.
“Caelan?”
Her voice reached out softly to him from the cave.
Turning his head, he listened a moment, then climbed back inside. When he reached the women, he saw that the fire had gone out, yet light still glowed around Lea and Elandra. The little cavern was warm and comfortable. The scent of flowers seemed very strong. He could feel a presence with them that made his skin prickle uneasily, then it was gone.
Lea was smiling with her eyes closed. She still knelt there beside Elandra, and for an instant she seemed to fade and grow transparent. It was like looking at a ghost or a spirit.
Caelan’s heart fell within him. In an instant he understood that Lea was not real, was not alive as he had thought. The miracle of her survival had been only a dream. Yes, she was here, but as part of the spirit world, and that meant she was indeed dead and lost to him.
Chapter Ten
Staring at her in horror, he slowly backed away.
Lea turned her head to look at him, and her blue eyes widened. “No, Caelan!”
He couldn’t bear to speak to her. What cruelty was this? What capricious god took amusement at giving him Lea against all hope or reason, then made her nothing more than a ghost?
Lea’s eyes tried to hold his. “You’re wrong. Please listen—”
With a cry, Caelan turned and ran, stooping, down the tunnel. He had to get out of here, had to get away from her.
She came after him, throwing her arms around his waist and squeezing tight to hold him.
He turned on her, pushing her off. “Get away from me!”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m real. I’m real!”
He shut out her voice, refusing to listen. Again he turned his back on her and headed for the mouth of the cave.
She caught his cloak and tugged. “Please, please listen to me. Touch my hand. I’m flesh and blood, Caelan, just like you.”
Her pleas tore at his heart. He wanted to believe her, yet he couldn’t. All he trusted was the evidence of his own eyes.
“Do you not waver from the sight of others when you sever!” she asked. “Has no one ever been frightened by you? Has no one ever misunderstood what you are doing?”
He glanced back at her with a frown. “What?”
“Can you not come and go among people without being seen? Can you not step into the spirit world and exit as you choose? Can you not move faster than thought, so fast sometimes your opponent cannot see you?”
His frown deepened. He did not want to listen to her, yet he could not help it. How could she know what it was like?
“Oh, Caelan,” she said, her voice full of compassion, “do you not yet know what we are?”
He stared at her, too amazed to answer, but his mind was shifting into one rapid thought after another. Lea, who could read his mind, who had answered his thoughts as though they were spoken aloud since she had first learned to talk. Lea, who wished for things that then came true, as though her will could bend events themselves. Lea, whose gentle spirit had always been his guide and conscience.
“What are you saying?” he whispered.
She stepped closer, her eyes still locked on his. Holding out her hand to him, she said, “Am I real?”
He flinched back. “I don’t know! I have lately walked in a place where