Reaper Man - Terry Pratchett [58]
Well, this one would be handy for carrying seed trays in. He pushed the second trolley aside and heard, behind him, a sound which, if it had to be written down, and if he could write, he would probably have written down as: glop.
He turned around, saw the biggest of the compost heaps pulsating in the dark, and said, “Look what I brought you for your tea!”
And then he saw that it was moving.
“Some places, too…” said Mrs. Cake.
“But why should it build up?” said Windle.
“It’s like a thunderstorm, see? You know how you get that prickly feelin’ before a storm? That’s what’s happening now.”
“Yes, but why, Mrs. Cake?”
“Well…One-Man-Bucket says nothing’s dying.”
“What?”
“Daft, isn’t it? He says lots of lives are ending, but not going away. They’re just staying here.”
“What, like ghosts?”
“Not just ghosts. Just—it’s like puddles. When you get a lot of puddles, it’s like the sea. Anyway, you only get ghosts from things like people. You don’t get ghosts of cabbages.”
Windle Poons sat back in his chair. He had a vision of a vast pool of life, a lake being fed by a million short-lived tributaries as living things came to the end of their span. And life force was leaking out as the pressure built up. Leaking out wherever it could.
“Do you think I could have a word with One—” he began, and then stopped.
He got up and lurched over to Mrs. Cake’s mantelpiece.
“How long have you had this, Mrs. Cake?” he demanded, picking up a familiar glassy object.
“That? Bought it yesterday. Pretty, ain’t it?”
Windle shook the globe. It was almost identical to the ones under his floorboards. Snowflakes whirled up and settled on an exquisite model of Unseen University.
It reminded him strongly of something. Well, the building obviously reminded him of the University, but the shape of the whole thing, there was a hint of, it made him think of…
…breakfast?
“Why is it happening?” he said, half to himself. “These damn things are turning up everywhere.”
The wizards ran down the corridor.
“How can you kill ghosts?”
“How should I know? The question doesn’t usually arise!”
“You exorcise them, I think.”
“What? Jumpin’ up and down, runnin’ on the spot, that kind of thing?”
The Dean had been ready for this. “It’s spelled with an ‘O,’ Archchancellor. I don’t think one is expected to subject them to, er, physical exertion.”
“Should think not, man. We don’t want a lot of healthy ghosts buzzin’ around.”
There was a blood-curdling scream. It echoed around the dark pillars and arches, and was suddenly cut off.
The Archchancellor stopped abruptly. The wizards cannoned into him.
“Sounded like a blood-curdlin’ scream,” he said. “Follow me!”
He ran around the corner.
There was a metallic crash, and a lot of swearing.
Something small and striped red and yellow, with tiny dripping fangs and three pairs of wings, flew around the corner and shot over the Dean’s head making a noise like a miniature buzzsaw.
“Anyone know what that was?” said the Bursar, faintly. The thing orbited the wizards and then disappeared into the darkness of the roof. “And I wish he wouldn’t swear so.”
“Come on,” said the Dean. “We’d better see what’s happened to him.”
“Must we?” said the Senior Wrangler.
They peered around the corner. The Archchancellor was sitting up, rubbing his ankle.
“What idiot left this here?” he said.
“Left what?” said the Dean.
“This blasted wire baskety wheely thing,” said the Archchancellor. Beside him, a tiny purple spider-like creature materialized out of the air and scuttled toward a crevice. The wizards didn’t notice it.
“What wire baskety wheely thing?” said the wizards, in unison.
Ridcully looked around him.
“I could have sworn—” he began.
There was another scream.
Ridcully scrambled to his feet.
“Come on, you fellows!” he said, limping heroically onward.
“Why does everyone run toward a blood-curdling scream?” mumbled the Senior Wrangler. “It’s contrary to all sense.”
They trotted