Recoil - Andy McNab [94]
‘I just worry about the kids, Nick. I know what’s happening to them. I know what they’re going through. The rest of it, I can’t do anything about. All I can do is what I’m doing. I can’t change the world, but I can do something for this bit of it.’
I didn’t think I had any more fluid in me to sweat. I leaned against the stack of bags and gulped air. There were about thirty-five of them now, and it would be last light soon. We had to get a fucking move on.
Crucial’s sermon hadn’t improved my headache, and I had to wipe white foam periodically from my lips. He and I looked like a couple of rabies victims. We needed fluid urgently, but not as urgently as we needed to finish the claymore.
We started to shovel, but Crucial wasn’t giving up on his pitch. ‘I was like Sunday. I was taken from my village, used and dehumanized, Nick. Turned into a killer.’
‘Sunday tell you that?’
‘He’s not talking yet. His mind’s too numb. We get the kids to draw pictures to start with – it’s the only way they can express themselves. Most of them draw the same thing. They draw the LRA attacking their village, then they draw themselves being taken away. Sunday has drawn his hut being burned, and then being forced to shoot his parents.’
‘You kill yours?’
He held his shovelful of mud in mid-air for a moment, but said nothing. It was all the answer I needed.
‘What about the kids coming in tonight? How do you feel about hosing them down?’
He nodded slowly. ‘I know you’ve killed children, Nick. I was there, remember? It was a very big thing for Sam, also. That’s why he’s here now. It tested his faith. How could the Lord let such a thing happen?’
This God stuff wasn’t what I was after, and he knew it.
He lifted his crucifix and kissed it. ‘If I have to kill to save life, then I must. But it is not easy for me, man. The worst thing of all is condemning a child to death through no fault of his own. I will have to live with that until I meet my God. Then it will be between Him and me.’
I carried on shovelling. Part of me envied his certainty about the pearly gates. I wouldn’t be seeing them. My ticket was for totally the opposite direction.
There was a lull in the waffle, but I knew he still hadn’t finished. ‘Nick, the only thing you can do is what Sam and I do. Help us to help them. Then maybe, God willing, you’ll be at peace.’
I let my spade do the talking for a moment or two. The kid’s shot-away face flashed through my head and the prospect of doing it again tonight made it stay there a few seconds longer than I would have wanted. ‘Listen, mate, if we don’t get these fucking claymores done, you’ll be having that meeting a whole lot quicker than you want . . .’
13
It took the best part of an hour to finish the digging, get the metal in and the claymores set and prepared. The sun had never won its fight with the cloud, but could still be seen trying to break through as it dipped towards the end of the valley.
I had run det cord from both dugouts. They met behind the mound where Tim had been dumped. The two lots were of different lengths, with one running across the valley entrance and the other up to the higher ground on this side. Differing lengths could sometimes cause problems; ideally, they should be the same so there’s simultaneous detonation. But these claymores were so far apart it wasn’t as if the first one kicking off a nanosecond before the other would dislodge or compromise its mate. And to any LRA within reach, it would be one big, fuck-off bang.
Crucial and I had trodden the det cord from the right-hand claymore into the mud to avoid any LRA feet kicking it out of the devices as they came screaming into the valley.
To make best use of the killing area, Sam would want the first wave to come into the sangars’ arcs of fire before he gave the order to detonate. The claymores would then take them down as they moved along the riverbank and the entrance to the valley, and we got to kill more of them more quickly. We might even have a chance of being alive at the end of it.
Crucial