Redemption - Leon Uris [144]
Georgia made a sudden decision to remain on the ship and return aboard her to Christchurch. Rory packed, dazed. The ashen lovers now hated each chug and groan of the ship’s engine, bringing them closer to their parting. For an instant, Rory wanted to be Rory and smash up things in frustration. He snapped his satchel shut and looked about. The pair of them were light-headed from the loss of sleep and functioning at whisper level from the final crazy hours of lovemaking.
Good nurse Georgia was now in complete control under duress. “It’s been a hell of a trip, all of it, Rory,” she said. “Try not to win the war by yourself.”
“You’ll write?”
“As long as our letters are good for a laugh or two. You’re not obligated.”
“Let’s fuck the nice talk, Georgia. Something’s happened.”
“I want you to listen to me, Rory.”
“Don’t talk me down, Sister Georgia. I’m not one of your bleeding corporals in need of a chat-up.”
“All right. We’ve been knocked gaga. There is something powerful between us. War speeds up feelings in a cockeyed way, you know.”
“I’m going to say one thing, Georgia, and I mean it. I cannot fathom how any woman is ever going to be like you again. Not in one year or ten years. If you and Calvin Norman do not make it, I’m coming back for you.”
“Rory, people get very sentimental at moments like this and make utterly sloppy promises.”
He unbuttoned his shirt, took her wrist, and placed her hand on his chest. Georgia fairly swooned. “Things may change,” he said, “and I’ll not lie to you when it happens. But at this moment I hope Calvin Norman never comes back.”
She winced and took her hand away.
“Wishing for a man’s death who doesn’t deserve to die is no good, Georgia, but that’s how much I want you.”
She drew him to her and opened her own blouse and lay his head against her breasts. “Close your eyes…listen…will you, now?”
“Aye.”
“We were never really on, you and me. An old girl getting over the anger of a feckless husband has all kinds of venom in her. Trying to make more out of what this has really been will make us fall down attempting to keep promises made in an unreal moment of parting. As the promises are broken, we dodge with little lies at first and the guilt grows. All of what you say is well meaning now, Rory, but it can’t hold over the long haul.”
“Georgia…”
“The military,” she continued, “has a number of agonies, you’ll learn. There is the day-to-day agony of soldiering—working like a dog, brutal discipline, rotten food, boredom, mud, dysentery. There is the agony of battle. These agonies are very real. No soldier has ever been able to avoid them. Yet the most horrific of all agonies is the memory of home and the woman you left behind. This agony becomes a delusion, blown out of proportion. Although you won’t die from it, it is no less agonizing than the other agonies of soldiering.”
She felt his tears on her breast and took down her straps so he could smother himself freely.
“You can’t control the road you’ve taken. God knows where it will lead you. And if you get to Ireland—and you will get there—it could be endless. It is utterly unfair for either of us to make any promises. Understand me, Rory?”
“Aye.”
She let his kisses rove over what she had put before him until a steward called out that they would be in port soon.
From there on out it was stalwart stuff, wan smiles, misty eyes, stout embrace, and down the gangplank we go. He turned and waved and was gone.
Georgia held together until she was certain Rory was out of sight, then doubled over trying to get air to fight her nausea. The steward caught her wobbling and assisted her back to the suite and helped her onto the bed.
“Some tea, Mrs. Landers?” the steward offered.
“I’ll go with the cognac. It’s on the ship’s desk.”
As her color returned and she assured him she was better, he left.
Georgia was grateful she did not falter in the end. So now he was off to his war and she had done what life had brought her to do. The first of her secrets had been safely kept. The second of her secrets was more within her control.
49
Caroline