Redemption - Leon Uris [326]
“We’ve problems that won’t be solved by telling the Church to go to hell,” he said. “We’re in love, Rachael, like Conor was in love with Shelley. Shelley knew Conor could not live outside Ireland, and I’m not certain I can or want to be a fleeing coward. The price they paid is in my mind all the time, us being lepers, you being savaged.”
“And can you go on serving a church that will bring something like that on us?”
“It’s not only the Church, it’s the nation. I’d be doing you the favor of your life if I give you up.”
“Are you filled with guilt now?”
“No, but I’m so frustrated. All my days I’ve been stuffed, saturated with the sin of man and woman. I loved so many things the Church stood for. In our middling way, we provided some kind of faith for the Irish people so they wouldn’t give up. Without us, Ireland would be a land of beaten curs. Rachael, I have believed with all my strength in the love of Jesus. Yet from the beginning, in seminary, the novices were stealing looks at girlie magazines we found hidden in the cells of the Christian Brothers. For some priests, chastity is a suitable way of life. So be it. But I’ve seen the best of our breed become drunks and worse…what has bloody torn me up is that a priest can be an alcoholic, he can play with little boys, but God forbid he touches a woman. That is our ultimate sin. And the bloody hypocrisy of the Church’s covering it up and even turning on our victims.
“When you touched me, Rachael, it was the most powerful truth of my life. And the truth was, THEY HAVE LIED TO ME. It cannot be God’s will that man be celibate. God tells me that you and I are right. The love of a man and a woman is the highest order of giving praise to God.
“Each probe to each question I ever made was met with dogma that I must accept without question. But God kept rattling me, telling me, ‘Dary Larkin, they are perpetuating a lie.’ They turned us into neuters so the Church would own us, body and soul, and we could not have families to share our lives because it would take time away from the Church.
“They have stolen God’s most precious gift…you, Rachael…in order to keep me in total servitude. Well, seeing this for the lie it is…a lot of other things began to unravel in me. Still, I cannot come to terms that I’ve wasted my life. I cannot believe that my work as a priest has not made things better. I want to be a priest—but to be the best priest I can be, I need you as my wife. We can’t bear another pregnancy, Rachael.”
“What are you telling me, now?”
“You’re young. In time you’ll get over me. The other way out is a road not worth taking.”
“Dary, you’re lying to yourself. You’ve never given in to them, totally. You’ve had the scent of freedom and, with me or without me, you’re going to have to stand up and face all their inquisitions and black magic and damnations and whatever else they throw at you. But don’t do it for me. Do it for Dary Larkin. This is what has been dealt you. If you can’t be the priest they want, then get out before they make you into a priest you’ll hate. I’ll take all the rotten garbage they’ll throw at me, because I know what God means for us. Otherwise I want to walk in the sunlight with you. No more of the hiding and shame.”
“Don’t curse me as well, Rachael.”
“Did you learn nothing from Conor and my mother? Or Conor with that Shelley girl? Don’t you believe God smiled on them?”
“Then you’ll wait for me?” Dary asked.
Rachael was her mother’s girl. She knew instantly what he meant. But now, her fright was in common with every woman. She could not bring herself to ask the question.
He took her hands in daylight. “Look at me, Rachael, now there’s my girl. I want to go to France because this is the best my church has to give. The trenches are filled with Irish lads who desperately need me. I’m not trying to play the Lord’s game from both sides. I am not guilty about one