Redemption - Leon Uris [89]
Conor tried to comfort his stricken brother. “Your sorrow is misplaced. It might appear to be the best for me to remain in New Zealand but the enigma of it would follow us here as, indeed, it already has. You’d soon get sick of your big brother hovering about. My obvious love for Rory could throw us into an ugly contest and only complicate matters. Of course, there’s more. I wish I could explain this stranger who sits on my shoulder who will never leave me alone until I return. I can’t get rid of him, Liam. Five years of roving and I can’t get rid of him.”
Well, now comes the summing up. How did all the confused manipulation work out? Liam wanted his brother to stay and to leave at the same time. Why then did he feel relief when Conor announced his departure? Was Conor again casting his giant shadow?
What of it with Conor gone? Rory adored his uncle in a fever that only an eleven-year-old can muster, unadulterated hero worship. Conor’s departure seemed a guarantee for Rory to follow. However, Liam now had some years to play with to make Rory change his mind. But how? Liam thought of everything…except love.
Manipulation gave way to utter disarray.
“I think I’m sorry that I came,” Conor whispered to his brother.
Liam damned near collapsed.
“Oh Conor, man, you alone stuck with me. You paid off my passage. You gave me the first money for land. I owe you and I want to make it right for you. Forget my games. I don’t want to see you suffer no more.”
“I’d say we are more than even,” Conor replied. “I am sorry for the pain I caused you in Ireland. I should have been a better brother.”
Liam was about to shout out, I LOVE YOU, MAN, AND THAT’S WHAT IT’S ABOUT. I LOVE YOU. But the words died in Liam somewhere on the way out and were never said or heard.
“Well, being brothers means saying you’re sorry, all the time, eh?” Conor said. “You’re on an irreversible march to becoming a powerful man and you’ve a grand family around you.”
“Except for the boy who is going to follow in your footsteps,” Liam said bitterly.
“All right, Liam, you’re a big man now, so here it is. Try giving Rory some love and honesty. You did him a rotten turn by trying to live a lie with him. You know how it feels to be unloved. Why are you trying so bloody hard to repeat Daddy’s mistake? How can you do this to your own boy after what you’ve gone through.”
Liam recoiled, stricken, denuded.
“I hear you,” he finally rasped.
“Liam, I’ve tried desperately to avoid what is unavoidable. You cannot shut your son in a dark room and close the door. Rory is a keen lad with a mind of a wizard and a heart full of life and inquiry. You’d better realize that whether I had come to New Zealand or not, you can’t turn him into a sheep-herding vegetable. He’s going to cut his own path. Don’t try to stop him. Only if you let him know that he is loved will he come back to this place.”
Well, brothers go through the act of making up when a gangplank is staring one of them in the face. Liam wanted to know how to weep in Conor’s arms but every time he felt a surge to do it, an even stronger surge of stubbornness prevented him. Their farewell was all proper, in the Irish manner. Figures looking small down on the dock. Kids and Mom crying. Liam rigid as a steel rod.
Rory stood on deck with his uncle. Conor slipped him an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“A list of books that talk about all the things we never got to talk about. They all say about the same thing. It’s a human truth that man can never accept not being free.”
“And do any of these books tell me about Ireland?”
“Aye.”
“To what avail?” Rory asked. “There is no way I can get them.”
“Sure you can. Your friend, Uncle Wally Ferguson, will be receiving them from me. Sorry to do this to your da, but what the hell, I did it to my own da.”
“Will you write me, and can I write to you?”
“I will, but remember it could be a real problem, Rory.”
“The Irish Republican Brotherhood?”
“Aye. But if you don’t hear from me, it’s not my choice, but necessity.”
“I understand.”
“And you