Remember Me - Lesley Pearse [105]
It was a beautiful night, with a full moon, and instead of going straight back to the shelter, she sat down on a rock just to enjoy the quiet. Quiet times were something of a rare treat for Mary. Right from the day she was arrested back in Plymouth, there had always been noise and tumult around her. Even in her hut back in Sydney, she rarely got a chance to be entirely alone.
On the boat every single thing she did was in full view of the men. They were polite enough to look the other way when she relieved or washed herself, but they were there, just feet away from her. There was always someone talking, arguing, singing or even snoring. Even her body wasn’t her own: Emmanuel was either at her breast, climbing on her or sleeping on her, and Charlotte demanded her attention most of the waking hours. Even the men used her as a cushion to lean against.
Looking up at the stars, with the sea lapping gently at the shore, she could pretend she was back in Cornwall. She lapsed into a day-dream again, imagining herself in a little cottage, the children safely in a real bed upstairs, and Will out fishing. She could see it so clearly – a candle burning, the fire glowing red and little sparks catching on the soot making pictures.
When she and Dolly were small they had always competed to see the best picture in these sparks. Dolly saw things like people going to church, dancers round a maypole, while Mary had always seen fish, animals or birds. She wondered what Dolly would make of the tales she had heard about the strange animal they called the kangaroo here, or those big birds that couldn’t fly but ran faster than a man. Then there were all the millions of pretty birds, so exotic and brightly coloured they took her breath away.
‘He isn’t coming!’
Mary nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of Will’s angry-sounding voice. She hadn’t heard anyone coming towards her.
She got up and turned, and he was striding towards her. ‘Who isn’t coming?’ she asked.
‘Sam, of course, as if you didn’t know,’ he snarled at her. ‘I caught him creeping off to meet you, and flattened him.’
‘I didn’t come out here to meet anyone,’ Mary said indignantly. ‘Don’t you think I get enough of people all around me every day?’
He struck her so quickly that she didn’t have time to move or even duck. The punch caught her on the cheek and knocked her backwards down on to the beach.
‘You’re my woman,’ he hissed at her and threw himself down on top of her, pulling up her dress.
It was enough of a shock to be hit by him, but when she realized what he was trying to do, she was horrified and frightened.
‘Don’t, Will,’ she implored him. ‘Not like this.’
She tried to fight her way out from under him, but he was too strong and heavy. All at once he was forcing himself inside her, biting at her neck like a savage animal, his fingers digging into her buttocks as if to hurt her more.
When he was done, he got up and walked away, without even an apology.
Mary stayed where she was for a few moments, too stunned to move. Later she walked down to the sea and washed herself. Her eyes were dry but inside she was weeping, for she had never imagined her Will being capable of such a bestial act. Gentle, sweet love-making had been the one thing they’d had between them that made life bearable in the settlement. It eased hunger, physical pain, and the hopelessness of their situation. If he had wanted her tonight, he need only have said, and she’d have joyfully slipped away with him out here.
She knew what he’d done wasn’t uncommon, she’d seen plenty of women with split lips and black eyes back in Sydney. She knew from confidences from some of them that they’d never known any other kind of love-making but the rough sort. But their men were in a different class to Will, low types, who would steal food from their own children without a qualm.
Mary heard a faint sound and turned to see Will had come back and was standing a little way