Reunion - Michael Jan Friedman [10]
The counselor turned and saw Joseph getting up from his chair. He said something under his breath, got a round of laughter for his trouble, and gave the group an old-fashioned salute. Then he made his way to the exit. When Troi turned back, she looked thoughtful. “What?” probed Guinan.
The empath raised her eyes. “Mr. Joseph —Pug, they call him. He’s not quite as happy as the rest of them. Oh, he seems to be, on the outside. But inside, he’s-was She paused, trying to translate perceived emotion into words comn always an easy task. “Bitter,” she said finally. “About what?” asked Guinan. Troi shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not a telepath, remember? But I can guess.”
Guinan leaned forward over the bar. “I’m listening,” she said. “When the Stargazer set out,” said the Betazoid, “Joseph was the chief of security. Cadwallader was a junior-grade communications officer, Morgen was an ensign, and Ben Zoma was the first officer. Obviously, they’ve all moved up-Morgen and Ben Zoma to captaincies, and Cadwallader to lieutenant commander. But Pug is still security chief. No change in rank or function.”
Guinan nodded. “No wonder he’s bitter.”
“And particularly so toward Cadwallader. From what I gather, he took her under his wing when she joined the Stargazer. Treated her like a kid sister.”
“And then she grew up and left him in the dust.” She flicked her finger at a tiny piece of napkin left on her bar. “But then, that must be fairly common in Starfleet. Not everybody is moving-up material.”
“No,” said the counselor. “But that doesn’t make it any easier on the ones who are left behind.”
“Mom?”’*
Beverly Crusher jumped at the sound. She looked up from her desk, saw that it was only Wesley. Her heart pounding, she tried not to show how badly he’d startled her.
“Mom, are you . feeling all right?” asked Wesley, entering her office. Unlike her, he was still in uniform. She smiled. “Of course I’m all right. Why shouldn’t I be?” He shrugged. “I heard that Captain Ficard had assembled some of his officers in Ten-Forward. You know-to meet the Stargazer people. And I knew you weren’t on duty, so … if you’re feeling okay, why aren’t you there? In Ten-Forward, I mean, with everybody else?” Crusher sat back in her chair. “That’s a good question, Wes.” The boy-she would always think of him that way, she couldn’t help it-regarded her with a lack of understanding. “I don’t get it,” he told her. “Don’t you want to see Dad’s old friends?” She shrugged. “Yes and no.”
The lack of understanding deepened. “Why the no part?” The doctor sighed. “This may sound strange, Wes, but I’ve come to terms with what I knew of your father. With the Jack Crusher I knew. And loved. was Another sigh. “I
don’t know if I want any new memories. Not if they’re going to make me start mourning him all ever again.” Wesley started to say something, thought better of it. “Mom,” he went on finally, “this isn’t like you. You’re not the kind of person who backs off from things.” “From most things, no.” The doctor found she couldn’t look at him, so she looked at her desktop monitor instead. She didn’t blame him for being surprised at her. To tell the truth, she was surprised at herself. “From this thing… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
Silence. An uncomfortable silence—for him, no doubt, as well as for her. But she didn’t break it.
In the end, it was Wesley who took the initiative. “I suppose,” he said, “you’ve got the right to do what you want.” There was a hint of pain in his voice; maybe someone else wouldn’t have noticed it, but she did. “If it doesn’t bother Captain Picard, maybe it shouldn’t both-er me either. But I intend to get to know these people-that is, if they let me.”
Her heart went out to him. “Wes…”
“I don’t have your memories, Mom. I’ve got to find out all I can about him. And if it makes me start missing him again, then I’m willing to pay that price.”
It hurt to hear him say that. “You do what you have