Reviving Ophelia - Mary Bray Pipher [100]
We talked about her fights at school. “Something inside me just tells me to be bad. Afterwards, I’m sorry, but nobody believes me.” Tracy continued, “I want to explode sometimes. Drinking calms me down.”
I wondered about all this anger. It could be a reaction to her parents’ efforts to control her life and their unrealistic rules for a girl her age. Or it could be related to something else. Once Tracy trusted me, I would ask more about it.
I called Wendy back in and recommended family therapy. I told Wendy that I didn’t think Tracy was an alcoholic. Her use of alcohol was pretty typical of kids her age. But because of both her genetic background and her anger at the family, Tracy was at risk of developing alcohol problems.
I thought that Tracy might settle down if Wendy and Ned changed their parenting style. They were relying on rules to keep Tracy safe. But rules, in the absence of loving relationships, inspire rebellion in adolescents. Relationships are what hold girls’ lives in place.
Wendy and Ned had reacted to their families of origin by rigidly structuring their own children’s lives. This was catching up with them. Tracy wasn’t just rebelling against their overly strict rules, but also against their perfectly reasonable ones. These parents were so eager to protect Tracy that they gave her no personal space. I would encourage them to stop reading Tracy’s diary and listening to her calls, and I would negotiate for a later bedtime.
Most likely Tracy had concerns that she wasn’t discussing with her parents. Maybe if she talked about her life she would have less need for self-prescribed anxiety medication. Right now Tracy saw alcohol as a way to meet some of her very understandable needs—to feel comfortable with boys and to relax and laugh. I wanted to educate her on responsible drinking and the signs of problem drinking.
Tracy was at risk of developing the identity of a delinquent. She desperately needed something to feel proud of besides her ability to get in trouble. I wanted to help Tracy channel all her rebellious energy into activities that thrilled her but wouldn’t get her hurt. Maybe she would like acting—that’s pretty scary—or fencing.
Over the last few decades many more teenagers have been using alcohol and drugs. Teenagers use chemicals for a variety of reasons: biological predispositions, psychological problems, social pressure and familial factors. Some of the reasons have to do with complicated psychological processes, and other reasons are as simple as availability. Often the community determines the chemical most likely to be used. A girl who lives in the New Haven ghetto surrounded by drug users is more likely to become a drug addict than a girl growing up in a small Nebraska community.
Alcohol is the drug of choice of most teens. It’s cheap, powerful and sold everywhere. But drugs are much more available than most parents suspect. Most kids have been offered drugs by the time they are in seventh grade. By eighth grade, most kids know kids on drugs.
Even my rural state has problems. The interstate that dissects our state is a national conduit for drugs, and the small communities along 1-80 have drug problems. Teenagers from towns like Alvo (population 144) and Aurora (population 3,717) come to my office with drug habits that once could be found only in cities. As one of these girls put it, “The drug business at my school is major.”
I want to emphasize that not all drug and alcohol use is pathological. Healthy, reasonably well-adjusted teenagers use drugs and alcohol. Some experimentation is normal. Drinking at parties is widespread and not necessarily a sign of anything except a desire to fit in and do what others do. It’s important not to label all drug and alcohol use in teenagers as addiction. The labeling process can do