Reviving Ophelia - Mary Bray Pipher [157]
It’s good to remind girls that junior high is not all of life. There are other places—the mountains and beaches, the family cabin on the lake or the neighborhood clubhouse. There are other people—neighbors, relatives, family friends, old people and babies. And there are other times. They will not always be trapped in teenagehood; people do grow up. Along with this reminder, it’s good to encourage non-peer activities : work at a soup kitchen or for Meals on Wheels, go rock climbing or join computer clubs. These activities help girls to stay in contact with the nonadolescent portion of the human race.
Plato said that education is teaching our children to find pleasure in the right things. Parents can share their own pleasures with their daughters by introducing them to the natural world and the world of books, art or music. They can take them backpacking and teach them to fly fish, tune up engines, collect political buttons, play cello, knit afghans or go hang gliding. Especially during this turbulent time, it’s important to have regular ways that the family can have fun together.
But even as I encourage parents to help, I admonish them to be gentle with themselves. Their influence is limited. Parents can do only so much, and they are not responsible for everything. They are neither all-knowing nor all-powerful. Parents can make a difference in the lives of their daughters only if their daughters are willing to allow this. Not all daughters are. Daughters have choices and responsibilities. Friends will have an impact. The culture will have an impact.
While parents can do some fence building, we need to change our institutions. For example, junior highs are not user-friendly for adolescent girls. Most of what girls read in schools is written by men and about men. We need more stories of women who are strong, more examples of women in a variety of roles. History needs to include the history of women; psychology, the psychology of women; and literature, the writing of women.
Adolescent girls need a more public place in our culture, not as sex objects but as interesting and complicated human beings. Chelsea Clinton has become a hero for many young teens. Sixth-grade girls light up at the mention of her name. She’s not a sex object or a victim of violence but a person, and she is much respected by other girls. With the exception of some Olympic athletes, who girls also love to see, I can think of no other adolescent girls who are positive public figures.
Girls benefit from the limelight. Girls’ schools, clubs and groups allow girls to be leaders. Girls’ art shows, literature festivals and athletic events give girls’ lives dignity and public importance. Girls need to see reflections of themselves in all their diversity—as workers, artists and explorers.
Inclusive language helps girls feel included. One client said, “My aunt is a mail carrier. It’s been hard to know what to call her—‘mail person’ didn’t sound right and ‘mail woman’ sounded like something from the circus. I’m glad we have a word now for lady mailmen.” Another noticed that artists are generally referred to as “he.” She said, “That makes us say ‘women artists,’ which doesn’t sound like they are real artists.”
Teachers need equity training. Most teachers are well intentioned and think they are gender-fair, but they aren’t. They discriminate inadvertently. The teacher who found girls’ science projects trite probably didn’t see himself as discriminating. Until I read the research on teachers’ differential treatment of the sexes, I was unaware of the subtle ways I discriminated in the classroom. Schools need to be structured in ways that validate and nurture strengths in female students. Girls do better in cooperative environments and in all-girl math and science classes.
Junior highs often ignore what is happening to students as they are herded from one