Reviving Ophelia - Mary Bray Pipher [89]
Heidi wrote that before bingeing she felt tired, she worried about her tests or was upset about practice or her boyfriend. We discussed ways she could deal with those feelings besides bingeing: She could talk to someone, write in a journal, listen to music or learn relaxation techniques. Heidi agreed to write in her journal before she binged. She didn’t think it would stop her, but it might slow her down and maybe she would learn something about herself.
We talked about how bulimia had changed her life. She no longer liked family dinners or social occasions where food was served. It made her nervous to be around normal eaters. She could either pick at her food or binge, but she’d lost the ability to have an ordinary meal. She was afraid that Sunday dinners with her grandparents would cause her to lose control, so she avoided them. She missed her grandparents and she knew they missed her. They felt hurt by her lack of attention.
Heidi was exhausted from the time and planning that bingeing required. Sometimes she stayed up past midnight to have the kitchen to herself. Sometimes she missed outings because she knew the house would be empty and she could binge in private. She said, “My parents don’t try to stop me, but I hate to do it when they are around. I don’t want my little brothers to find out.”
She continued, “My boyfriend knows and is real supportive, but it hurts our relationship. I won’t eat out with him. Sometimes I want him to take me home so I can binge. I’ll make up an excuse to end our date.”
She looked at me. “I hate to say this, but I’d rather binge than make out.
“I get real moody if anything interferes with my bingeing,” she continued. “I’m irritable before and depressed afterwards. It seems like I’m never happy.”
I congratulated Heidi for being in therapy. “You have the discipline and capacity for hard work that will be required to fight this. You’ll make it back, I can tell.”
THE FOOD ADDICTION
Bulimia is the most common eating disorder in young women. It starts as a strategy to control weight, but soon it develops a life of its own. Life for bulimic young women becomes a relentless preoccupation with eating, purging and weight. Pleasure is replaced by despair, frenzy and guilt. Like all addictions, bulimia is a compulsive, self-destructive and progressive disorder. Bingeing and purging are the addictive behaviors; food is the narcotic.
Over time young women with bulimia are at risk for serious health problems: Often they have dental problems, esophageal tears, gastrointestinal problems and sometimes dangerous electrolytic imbalances that can trigger heart attacks.
They experience personality changes as they grow to love bingeing more than anything else. They become obsessed and secretive, driven for another binge and guilty about their habit. They experience a loss of control that leads to depression. Often they are irritable and withdrawn, especially with family members.
While anorexia often begins in junior high, bulimia tends to develop in later adolescence. It’s called the college girl’s disease because so many young women develop it in sororities and dorms. While anorexic girls are perfectionist and controlled, bulimic young women are impulsive and they experience themselves as chronically out of control. They are more vulnerable to alcoholism than their anorexic peers. Unlike anorexic girls, bulimic young women come in all shapes and sizes.
Estimates of the incidence of bulimia run as high as one-fifth of all college-age women. Bulimic young women, like their anorexic sisters, are oversocialized to the feminine role. They are the ultimate people pleasers. Most are attractive, with good social skills. Often they are the cheerleaders and homecoming queens, the straight-A students and pride of