Roll Over Roly - Anne Fine [1]
So he just said again, “Not yet. I keep meaning to start, but I never get round to it.”
Great Aunt Ada frowned at him over the top of her spectacles.
“Take the Road of Not Yet,” she warned, “and the only place you'll arrive is the Land of Never.”
Then she gave Roly a sharp poke with her walking stick, and he shot off the flower bed at once.
“That's better,” said Great Aunt Ada. “After all, rather unborn than untaught.” And she led the way back up the path to her little house.
Rupert trailed after her while Roly raced ahead, barking. In the front room, there was a glossy green parrot in a large wire cage.
“Now, there,” said Great Aunt Ada, “is a pet to make an owner proud.”
Rupert was embarrassed for Roly. But Roly just kept skittering about, making a nuisance of himself and jumping on furniture.
Inside the cage, the parrot sat silently on its perch, blinking at Rupert with a beady eye.
Rupert went closer.
“Hello, Polly,” he said to the parrot. “Hello, Polly.”
“Gordon,” Great Aunt Ada corrected. “The parrot's name is Gordon.”
“Hello, Gordon,” said Rupert.
The parrot opened its beak. “Faster!” it shouted. “Faster, you dozy lump! Faster!”
Startled, Rupert backed away, and Roly stopped barking and stared.
“Gordon belonged to Great Uncle Percy,” Great Aunt Ada explained to Rupert. “Your mother wasn't madly keen, so he came here instead.”
“I see,” said Rupert.
“Jump!” screeched the parrot. “Get on with it! Jump! Jump!”
Poor Roly whined in terror and scratched at the door, desperate to get away.
“Was Great Uncle Percy a very rude man?” Rupert couldn't help asking.
“No,” said Great Aunt Ada, mystified. “Why on earth should you think that?”
“No reason,” Rupert said hastily. “Honestly, no reason.”
“Go!” screeched the parrot. “Stop hanging about like an old lady! Go, go, go!”
Great Aunt Ada looked just the tiniest bit put out. “We'll leave Gordon in peace, shall we?” she said loftily. “Let's go into the kitchen.”
Rupert followed her willingly.
“Rubbish!” the parrot called after them. “Absolute rubbish!”
2 All Uncooked Joints Will be Carved
UP AT THE table, Rupert piled his plate high with slices of the cake his mother had left with them.
“It was too early for breakfast when we left home,” he explained, steadying his elbows on Great Aunt Ada's flowery tablecloth as he took his first huge bite.
“I see you're as poorly trained as your dog,” Great Aunt Ada said tartly. “I warn you, all uncooked joints on this table will be carved.”
Hastily, Rupert took his elbows off the table.
“That's better,” said Great Aunt Ada.
Roly raced round and round the chair legs, hoping that cake crumbs would fall.
Great Aunt Ada scolded him. “Behave, or you'll go in the broth pot!”
Rupert sighed. His mother had warned him. “Don't worry about Great Aunt Ada. Her bark's worse than her bite.” But still, it was going to be a very long day – for himself and for Roly.
He finished the cake. Then, “I think I'll just slip off and play quietly on my own now,” he said, sliding down from the table.
Great Aunt Ada gazed up at the ceiling and chanted a little rhyme.
“The little boy who did not say
‘Thank you' and ‘If you please’
Was scraped to death with oyster shells
Under the coconut trees.”
Rupert took the hint.
“Please,” he said. “Please may I get down from the table and go and play?”
“Yes,” said Great Aunt Ada. “Yes, you may.”
“And thank you for the lovely cake,” Rupert added, even though his own mother had brought it. (Better to be on the safe side.)
“Not at all,” Great Aunt Ada said graciously. “It was my pleasure.”
As he went out of the door (tripping over Roly), he quite distinctly heard her saying smugly to herself, “Well, there you are. Good manners are like measles. The only way to get them is to spend time where they already are.”
3 When Sunny Smile…
INSIDE THE BOX his parents had left in the hall, he found his raincoat and his boots, his school reading book and Roly's dog food and dish.
Rupert put his head back round the door.
“Great Aunt Ada, where's the