Ronald Rabbit Is a Dirty Old Man - Lawrence Block [14]
Furthermore, I must insist on Mrs. Clarke’s behalf that you cease and desist from entering into any communications with her of the order of your most recent letter of 12 June. As you perhaps recall, the terms of your separation agreement with Mrs. Clarke, later embodied in your agreement of divorce, forbade any such unwarranted communication on the part of either party. Mrs. Clarke does not welcome such verbal attention from you, nor does she have the slightest wish to be made privy to aspects of your life as discussed in the aforementioned communication. It is our considered opinion that such communication constitutes a direct and unwarranted invasion of privacy, and a repetition of the offense will be dealt with accordingly.
I might further take it upon myself to state that both the tone and nature of the communication above described is such as to raise serious questions as to your own mental and emotional state. In this connection, let me offer the disinterested suggestion that you seriously contemplate seeking responsible psychiatric guidance, should you be financially capable of so doing after having discharged your just obligations to Mrs. Clarke.
I remain, sir, your most obedient servant,
Roland David Caulder
RDC:sj
4
74 Bleecker St.
New York 10012
June 19
Mr. Roland David Caulder
Muggsworth, Caulder, Travis & Beale
437 Piper Blvd. Richmond, Va.
Dear Mr. Caulder:
I cannot thank you sufficiently for your letter of 17 June on behalf of your client Mrs. Lisa Clarke. It is entirely possible that I will have it framed.
It shames me to admit that of which you no doubt have by now apprised yourself, to wit, that there is no check for eight hundred fifty dollars ($850) in this envelope. My ability to discharge my just obligation to your client is contingent upon the success of a new business venture presently in the formative stages. While the details are necessarily cloaked in secrecy at present, I suppose I can tell you at least that my associates and I are planning a coast-to-coast network of blood banks. Rather than depend upon human volunteers, we intend to use turnips.
Let me thank you as well for your expressions of concern over my mental and emotional health. I too have had my doubts on that score, and have been pondering the entire problem for the past two or three hours (2-3 hrs.). As I cannot presently see my way clear to employing professional help in this regard, I wonder if I might impose upon you to apply your esteemed diagnostic talents to another letter. Toward this end, I am taking the liberty of enclosing a Xerox copy of my letter of fifteen June (15/6) to Mr. Stephen Joel Adel. You may remember that Mr. Adel was mentioned in the earlier communication previously cited.
I look forward with interest to your reply.
Very truly yours,
Laurence Clarke
5
74 Bleecker St.
New York 10012
June 19
Mrs. Lisa Clarke
219 Maple Rd.
Richmond, Va.
Dear Lisa:
Christ, have they been spiking your father’s Ken-L-Ration lately? You wouldn’t believe the letter I got from the old bastard. I’m enclosing a Xerox copy of it along with my reply. You’ll note I sent him a copy of my letter to Steve. See if you can get him to show it to you. I know he won’t want to, and I also know it’s unethical of him to withhold it. I’d be interested to know which way the son of a bitch jumps.
Has he gotten worse lately or what? He’s always been pretty bad, but that letter was the limit. I mean, has he reached the point where he