Room_ A Novel - Emma Donoghue [18]
Boom, that’s Door shutting and Old Nick is telling Ma how there wasn’t any of something and something else was a ridiculous price anyway.
I wonder if he looked up on Shelf and saw Jeep. Yeah he brung him for me, but he never played with him I don’t think. He won’t know how Jeep suddenly goes when I switch Remote on, vrummmm.
Ma and him only talk for a bit tonight. Lamp goes off click and Old Nick creaks the bed. I count in ones sometimes instead of fives just for different. But I start losing count so I switch to fives that go faster, I count to 378.
All quiet. I think he must be asleep. Does Ma switch off when he’s off or does she stay awake waiting for him to be gone? Maybe they’re both off and me on, that’s weird. I could sit up and crawl out of Wardrobe, they wouldn’t even know. I could draw a picture of them in Bed or something. I wonder are they beside each other or opposite sides.
Then I have a terrible idea, what if he’s having some? Would Ma let him have some or would she say, No way Jose, that’s only for Jack?
If he had some he might start getting realer.
I want to jump up and scream.
I find Remote’s on switch, I make it green. Wouldn’t it be funny if his superpowers started Jeep’s wheels spinning up there on Shelf? Old Nick might wake up all surprised ha ha.
I try the forward switch, nothing happens. Doh, I forgot to put up the antenna. I make it all the way long and try again but Remote still doesn’t work. I poke his antenna through the slats, it’s outside and I’m inside all at the same time. I flick the switch. I hear a tiny sound that must be Jeep’s wheels coming alive and then—
SMASHSHSHSHSHSH.
Old Nick roaring like I never heard him, something about Jesus but it wasn’t Baby Jesus that did it, it was me. Lamp’s on, light’s banging in the slats at me, my eyes squeeze shut. I wriggle back and pull Blanket over my face.
He’s shouting, “What are you trying to pull?”
Ma sounds all wobbly, she says, “What, what? Did you have a bad dream?”
I’m biting Blanket, soft like gray bread in my mouth.
“Did you try something? Did you?” His voice goes downer. “Because I told you before, it’s on your head if—”
“I was asleep.” Ma’s talking in a squashed tiny voice. “Please—look, look, it was the stupid jeep that rolled off the shelf.”
Jeep’s not a stupid.
“I’m sorry,” Ma’s saying, “I’m so sorry, I should have put it somewhere it wouldn’t fall. I’m really really totally—”
“OK.”
“Look, let’s turn the light off—”
“Nah,” says Old Nick, “I’m done.”
Nobody says anything, I count one hippopotamus two hippopotamus three hippopotamus—
Beep beep, Door opens and shuts boom. He’s gone.
Lamp clicks off again.
I feel around on the floor of Wardrobe for Remote, I find a terrible thing. His antenna all short and sharp, it must have snapped in the slats.
“Ma,” I whisper.
No answer.
“Remote got broke.”
“Go to sleep.” Her voice is so hoarse and scary I think it’s not her.
I count my teeth five times, I get twenty every time but I still have to do it again. None of them hurt yet but they might when I’m six.
I must be asleep but I don’t know it, because then I wake up.
I’m still in Wardrobe, it’s all dark. Ma didn’t bring me into Bed yet. Why she didn’t bring me in?
I push the doors and listen for her breath. She’s asleep, she can’t be mad in her sleep, can she?
I crawl under Duvet. I lie near Ma not touching, there’s all heat around her.
Unlying
In the morning we’re eating oatmeal and I see marks. “You’re dirty on your neck.”
Ma just drinks some water, the skin moves when she swallows.
Actually that’s not dirt, I don’t think.
I have a bit of oatmeal but it’s too hot, I spit it back in Meltedy Spoon. I think Old Nick put those marks on her neck. I try saying but nothing comes out. I try again. “Sorry I made Jeep fall down in the night.”
I get off my chair, Ma lets me onto her lap. “What were you trying to do?” she asks, her voice is still hoarse.
“Show him.”
“What’s that?”
“I was, I was, I was—”
“It’s OK, Jack. Slow down.”
“But Remote got snapped and you’re all mad at me.”